CES | Месец 11 с Cauda Syndrome Equina

Месец 11 има плава (като има Месец 12 досега, По този начин този късен пост).

.lies

Месец 10 ended with some bad things happening in my personal life. These continued through most of Month 11 as well. I was dealing with the feelings caused by my семейство member and also a friend. Of the two, съкрушените приятелство hurt far more. The relationship with my family member had been on a long slow descent with an abrupt, но кратко, cliff at the end. The broken friendship is something that I didn’t see coming… a total surprise and shock. We’ve all been there before, но това не е било толкова дълго, тъй като някой, който е постановил, че до моето сърце е направил такова нещо.

 

.unknowingАз не искам приятелството разбити, but it remains that way to this day. For almost a month, I didn’t know how I would feel should my friend ask for forgiveness. Eventually, the hurt receded. This allowed me to align my feelings with my caring for this person. I am now at the point where I can forgive my friend should they ask for it. I can also continue the friendship; обаче няма да е толкова близо, колкото преди ... Аз не съм от точка в живота ми, когато аз съм готов да се доверят достатъчно лъжци да им позволи в моя кръг от близки приятели. Perhaps I never will be. The really sad part is that I don't think this person has the first clue that they've done anything to hurt me.

 

 

.trust

Коледа came and went during Month 11. We had a nice, quiet time - но оlder получавам, the more I miss having a family that loves one another. We don’t have children and that puts us in a lonely place too. I come from a very dysfunctional family. Perhaps that is why I have such revulsion for liars. My family’s holiday gatherings (Изразяване на благодарност & Коледа) винаги са били големи шоута, където всеки се облича с маска и са живели в лъжа, че всички бяхме нормална, caring family. The rest of the year told a different, sad story. I survived, но не невредим, by getting out. 2014 марка ми 21во година на живот на стотици (понякога и хиляди) of miles from family. If you rule out the “visits” when they were just bringing my Mom to see me, или я взема, Мога да разчитам на пръстите на едната си ръка колко пъти семейството ми ме посети в тези 21 години. I, обаче, да ги посети поне дузина пъти.

На моите CES ...

Докато се разхождах като Франкенщайн и не могат да се чувстват моите глезени, it seems I had such a poor gait that I tore a tendon in my right ankle. Now that I have some feeling there, Знаех, че нещо различно от нерв болката Cauda синдром на конете was going on. The Doc said only surgery will fix it, but for now I’m only wearing an ankle brace. Had I noticed this earlier last year I would have had the surgery, но това е нова година, with a new insurance deductible. And of course I’m on a high deductible plan (не по собствен избор - тя е на всички мои предложения на работодателите).

I have regained feeling in a lot of areas. The results of the nerve conductivity tests showed most of the L4/L5 damage has healed. This was the level at which the disk blew out, so I happy with that finding. However the points below L4/L5 still show significant injury and the jury is still out as to what will happen with those areas. I do have more “токов удар"Тип чувства, mostly in my right foot. The backs of my thighs and lower buttocks are still numb as is most of my genital area. B&B е все още един въпрос, който отнема много на управлението (това е на пикочния мехур & Черво, не Легло & Закуска).

I са били насърчавани, както Месец 11 затворен, от малка група Изучаване на Библията we’re doing in our home. Between that and studying for my CMA изпит през февруари, I haven’t had much time for other things or maintaining relationships. I’ll be so glad once this exam is taken. I’ve had to give up some things – things I love doing - on the schedule in order to concentrate on these. After the exam, Имам няколко други проекти на моя готов списък, така че аз ще продължа да остане зает.

Дали Syndrome ми Cauda Equina отрази всичко това? Definitely! Does it help shape my life? Absolutely! Is it defining me? In some small way… it is a part of me, just as my arms or legs are. Yes, Аз имам лоши дни, както физически, така и емоционално - да се надяваме не и двете по едно и също време! Through it all I rely on God’s love to see me through. In His love He knew that my back would be injured and He used that event to prod me to grow closer to Him. He has sustained me, ме подхранва, and lifted me up. I am a better person, at a better place in life because of God taking the lemons of Cauda Equina Syndrome and helping me make lemonade out of them. Where that will lead I do not know, но какво приключение съм на!

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