Mes 11 té volat per (com té Mes 12 fins aquí, per tant aquest post tardà).
Mes 10 acabar amb algunes de les coses dolentes que succeeixen en la meva vida personal. Aquests van continuar durant la major part del mes 11 també. I was dealing with the feelings caused by my família member and also a friend. Dels dos, el trencat amistat hurt far more. The relationship with my family member had been on a long slow descent with an abrupt, però curt, cliff at the end. The broken friendship is something that I didn’t see coming… a total surprise and shock. We’ve all been there before, però ha passat tant de temps des que algú em va sostenir que prop del meu cor s'ha fet tal cosa.
No vull que l'amistat trencada, but it remains that way to this day. For almost a month, I didn’t know how I would feel should my friend ask for forgiveness. Eventualment, the hurt receded. This allowed me to align my feelings with my caring for this person. I am now at the point where I can forgive my friend should they ask for it. I can also continue the friendship; No obstant això, no seria el més a prop que abans ... No estic en un punt en la meva vida on jo estic disposat a confiar prou per permetre que els mentiders en el meu cercle d'amics íntims. Perhaps I never will be. The really sad part is that I don't think this person has the first clue that they've done anything to hurt me.
Nadal came and went during Month 11. We had a nice, quiet time - però la Older obtinc, the more I miss having a family that loves one another. We don’t have children and that puts us in a lonely place too. I come from a very dysfunctional family. Perhaps that is why I have such revulsion for liars. My family’s holiday gatherings (Acció de gràcies & Nadal) sempre van ser grans espectacles on tothom va posar una màscara i va viure una mentida que tots estàvem normals, caring family. The rest of the year told a different, sad story. I survived, però no indemnes, by getting out. 2014 marca la meva 21er any centenars de viure (en algun moment milers) of miles from family. If you rule out the “visits” when they were just bringing my Mom to see me, o recollir, Puc comptar amb els dits d'una mà les vegades que la meva família m'ha visitat en els 21 years. Jo, però, els han visitat almenys una dotzena de vegades.
En els meus CES ...
Mentre anava caminant com Frankenstein i no pugui sentir els meus turmells, it seems I had such a poor gait that I tore a tendon in my right ankle. Now that I have some feeling there, Sabia alguna cosa més que el dolor dels nervis de Cauda Equina Syndrome was going on. The Doc said only surgery will fix it, but for now I’m only wearing an ankle brace. Had I noticed this earlier last year I would have had the surgery, però és un any nou, with a new insurance deductible. And of course I’m on a high deductible plan (no per elecció - és totes les meves ofertes patronals).
I have regained feeling in a lot of areas. The results of the nerve conductivity tests showed most of the L4/L5 damage has healed. This was the level at which the disk blew out, so I happy with that finding. However the points below L4/L5 still show significant injury and the jury is still out as to what will happen with those areas. I do have more “descàrrega elèctrica"Escriu sentiments, mostly in my right foot. The backs of my thighs and lower buttocks are still numb as is most of my genital area. B&B segueix sent un problema que necessita una gran quantitat de la gestió (aquesta és la Bufeta & Intestí, no Llit & Esmorzar).
M'ha encoratjat, com el Mes 11 tancat, pel grup petit Estudi de la Bíblia we’re doing in our home. Between that and studying for my CMA examen al febrer, I haven’t had much time for other things or maintaining relationships. I’ll be so glad once this exam is taken. I’ve had to give up some things – things I love doing - on the schedule in order to concentrate on these. After the exam, Tinc un parell d'altres projectes en la meva llista llista, així que seguiré per mantenir-se ocupat.
¿La síndrome de la meva cua de cavall afecta tot això? Definitely! Does it help shape my life? Absolutely! Is it defining me? In some small way… it is a part of me, just as my arms or legs are. Sí, Tinc dies dolents, tant física com emocionalment - esperem que no les dues a la vegada! Through it all I rely on God’s love to see me through. In His love He knew that my back would be injured and He used that event to prod me to grow closer to Him. He has sustained me, em nodreix, and lifted me up. I am a better person, at a better place in life because of God taking the lemons of Cauda Equina Syndrome and helping me make lemonade out of them. Where that will lead I do not know, però el que és una aventura que estic en!