Kuu 11 on sõidab (kui on Kuu 12 seni, seega see hilises).
Kuu 10 lõppes halbu asju juhtub minu isikliku elu. Neid jätkus enamik Kuu 11 samuti. I was dealing with the feelings caused by my pere member and also a friend. Kahe, purustatud sõprus hurt far more. The relationship with my family member had been on a long slow descent with an abrupt, kuid lühike, cliff at the end. The broken friendship is something that I didn’t see coming… a total surprise and shock. We’ve all been there before, kuid see on olnud nii ammu keegi ma otsustanud, et lähedal minu südames on teinud midagi sellist.
Ma ei taha, sõprus katki, but it remains that way to this day. For almost a month, I didn’t know how I would feel should my friend ask for forgiveness. Eventually, the hurt receded. This allowed me to align my feelings with my caring for this person. I am now at the point where I can forgive my friend should they ask for it. I can also continue the friendship; aga see ei ole nii lähedal kui enne ... Mul pole mõtet oma elu, kus ma olen valmis usaldama valetas piisavalt, et võimaldada neil võtta minu ring lähedasi sõpru. Perhaps I never will be. The really sad part is that I don't think this person has the first clue that they've done anything to hurt me.
Jõulud came and went during Month 11. We had a nice, quiet time - kuid older saan, the more I miss having a family that loves one another. We don’t have children and that puts us in a lonely place too. I come from a very dysfunctional family. Perhaps that is why I have such revulsion for liars. My family’s holiday gatherings (Tänupüha & Jõulud) alati olnud suur näitab, kus igaüks panna mask ja elas vale, et me kõik olime normaalne, caring family. The rest of the year told a different, sad story. I survived, kuid mitte puutumata, by getting out. 2014 tähistab oma 21st aastal elab sadu (millalgi tuhandeid) of miles from family. If you rule out the “visits” when they were just bringing my Mom to see me, või valida teda üles, Ma võin loota varbad ühe käega mitu korda mu pere on külastanud mind nendes 21 aastat. I, siiski, on külastanud neid vähemalt tosin korda.
On minu CES ...
Kuigi ma kõndisin nagu Frankenstein ja ei suuda tunda minu pahkluude, it seems I had such a poor gait that I tore a tendon in my right ankle. Now that I have some feeling there, Ma teadsin, et midagi muud peale närvi valu Cauda hobuste sündroom was going on. The Doc said only surgery will fix it, but for now I’m only wearing an ankle brace. Had I noticed this earlier last year I would have had the surgery, aga see on uus aasta, with a new insurance deductible. And of course I’m on a high deductible plan (mitte valida - see on kõik minu tööandja pakkumised).
I have regained feeling in a lot of areas. The results of the nerve conductivity tests showed most of the L4/L5 damage has healed. This was the level at which the disk blew out, so I happy with that finding. However the points below L4/L5 still show significant injury and the jury is still out as to what will happen with those areas. I do have more “elektrilöögi"Tüüpi tunded, mostly in my right foot. The backs of my thighs and lower buttocks are still numb as is most of my genital area. B&B on veel küsimus, mis võtab palju haldamine (et põis & Soolestik, mitte Voodi & Hommikusöök).
Mul on julgustatud, kui kuu 11 suletud, poolt väike rühm Piiblitund we’re doing in our home. Between that and studying for my CMA eksami veebruaris, I haven’t had much time for other things or maintaining relationships. I’ll be so glad once this exam is taken. I’ve had to give up some things – things I love doing - on the schedule in order to concentrate on these. After the exam, Mul on veel kaks projekti minu valmis nimekiri, nii et ma jätkab jääda kinni.
Kas minu Cauda equina sündroom mõjutab see kõik? Definitely! Does it help shape my life? Absolutely! Is it defining me? In some small way… it is a part of me, just as my arms or legs are. Yes, Mul on halb päeva, nii füüsiliselt kui emotsionaalselt - loodetavasti mitte mõlemad samal ajal! Through it all I rely on God’s love to see me through. In His love He knew that my back would be injured and He used that event to prod me to grow closer to Him. He has sustained me, rikastab mind, and lifted me up. I am a better person, at a better place in life because of God taking the lemons of Cauda Equina Syndrome and helping me make lemonade out of them. Kui see toob kaasa Ma ei tea, kuid mida seiklus Olen!