Kuna mul on olnud närvi regrowth pärast kahju põhjustanud minu Cauda equina sündroom, I was able to feel a pain in my right ankle that wasn't like the pain in my other ankle nor the other side of my right one. Ma pidin seda kontrollida läbi enne jõule. Dr. ütles, et ta arvas, et see oli rebenenud kõõlus & tellida närvijuhtivuse test (hulga määramiseks närvikahjustusi tänaseni) ja MRI sellel parema jala pahkluu. Katsed viidi läbi kohe pärast jõule.
Ma läksin eile Doctor saada tulemusi. Kunagi kahjustada - veel palju; kõõlus - rebitud, ja rebitud nagu kuivõrd ainult määrama see operatsioon. Noh me just alanud uus aasta, et operatsioon oleks välja tasku arvelt. Pole probleemi, kui on midagi taskus. Pärast 4 operatsiooni ja taastusravi mullu vahel Kim ja mina, taskud on tühjad. Nii et me peame usaldama Jumalat, et võimaldada seda. Ükski säte = Ei kirurgia.
So I'm wearing a brace and have order to take it easy. Dr. näitas mulle liikumise ma olen, et ei luba oma jala teha, koos mõne tegevuse piirangud (millest enamik ei saa ma niikuinii tõttu Cauda equina sündroom). Ta ütles, et kui ta saab liiga valus või on mul veel halvemaid päevi kui hea, siis on aeg tegutseda.
Siis on taastumine - mitte-kaal, millel enamus jaoks 3 nädalat, kõndimine valatud 3 rohkem nädalat, karastav boot jaoks veel 3 rohkem nädalat siis füsioteraapia. Just nüüd, et lihtsalt ei ole kaarti.
Kuidas on see seotud minu Cauda equina sündroom? Põletik mu pealiskaudne peroneal närvi piiratud, kui palju ülespoole I väänab mu parem jalg, nii kui sammu edasi oma vasaku jala, et piirang hoidsin pahkluu painutamine edasi, nagu peaks. Kui see tabab, et punkt, see oleks "rull" Lisa väljaspool (õigus) küljel Hüppeliigese. See põhjustas palju liikumist halb viise kõõlus, lõpuks põhjustab pisara.
Nii edasi läheme. Siiani on see mõjutanud kiirus ja pikkus minu kõndimine. We'll see what else it affects. Kuid selles, ja kõiges, my wife and I trust God's plan for us. Ja me kiitke teda ja edasi kõndida, kuigi aeglasemalt, Temaga sellel teekonnal.
Kuu 9 läks ajalukku raamatuid 11/11. I have continued to have improvement in the symptoms of myCauda hobuste sündroom. Vähem mu jalad on täiesti tuim nüüd, umbes teise 10% tuimaks valdkondades taastudes kihelustunne jooksul kuus. The bottoms of my feet feel less pain, less like they are walking on rebar (http://wp.me/p3A64Y-6Y) and more like normal. To top it off, my legs are getting stronger.
Due to the move back to Lancaster, we’ve changed primary care doctors (again) and the new one suggested using a plantar fasciitis boot to help with my foot nerves tightening overnight. When I get up in the morning, my toes are curled right down and it takes a little while of walking to straighten them. With the nerve that runs from my big toe up through the ankle (the common peroneal nerve, I think) tightening, it makes taking a normal length step with my left leg more difficult. This is because the right foot will not bend upward enough. So it gives me a bit of a limp or rolling movement in my gait.
The last half of month 9 was getting ready for my wife’sknee replacement surgery. She has been in pain for quite some time. The pain was keeping her awake at night. It was getting too much to bear and getting the surgery done outweighed the drawbacks. So after seeing a highly recommended orthopaedic surgeon, attending a class (I had to go to it too), and convincing the health professionals that I on my cane could take care of her, the surgery was set for 11/13.
We’re getting ready to launch a new ministry at church & in the community, which is taking up a measure of our time. We’ve made some lifestyle changes, or more accurately, we’ve made changes in what haspriorityin our lives. We’re busier than we’ve been in a long time, yet we have time and energy for the new things, as old things take a smaller place in our lives. We look forward to Month 10 with anticipation of my wife’s surgery and recovery. We are looking forward to her relief from pain and more feeling coming back for me. Even though only one of those has a high probability, we will take what God gives and enjoy it. Kuu 9 has been good.
Minu 8thmonth withCauda hobuste sündroomis in the books now and what a month! We moved back to our old house on Sep 6thand began the process of unpacking. Võtsin aja maha september 6 - 15 nii et ma võiks aidata jälgida liikuda (ja võibolla isegi aitab natuke.) We’ve been taking it slowly, metering our energy and pain levels out. My wife and I enjoyed our time together immensely. We did our devotional times together and then discussed it in depth, often spending an hour or more a day on it. We found out that there is a lot of truth in the statement, “The closer a couple gets to God, the closer they get to each other.” We had a great time of reconnecting in a relaxed atmosphere. We sure needed this time!
Just prior to the end of Month 7, I reached a low point in battling CES. The long days of physical challenge, the emotional toll, and the strain on my wife as well came to a head. Ma ei teadnud seda siis, but God was preparing me for what was just days away. He broke me down completely as I spent several hours one night, sobbing and crying out to Him. I was looking for answers and understanding. Eventually, I was spent physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Then there was nothing. No prompting, no comfort, no answers. I fell asleep.
Immediately upon waking the following morning, I knew God had answered. His peace was on me like never before and I felt His comfort wrapping me. Not a in a physical sense, but just knowing, throughout my being, that He had heard and was showing His love for me. It changed my outlook on life, my Cauda Equina Syndrome, and much more. I even changed the title of this blog. You can read more about it here - http://wp.me/p3A64Y-7V
During the study my wife and I were doing together after moving, each of us (separately) came to a realization that we had slowly taken back our lives from God and that He was calling us back to fully committing to Him. We explored the depth of that commitment because it was clear that it was far more than we had ever considered it to be. As we each pondered it that day, the Word sank in. That evening, I told my wife that I had decided to go all in – yielding my life to God for His purposes. She had made the same decision. We rejoiced together.
In Month 8, I also came to the end of the road for legal action regarding my Cauda Equina Syndrome. I had 2 separate law firms look at the case for a possible malpractice claim. Both attorneys say that without doubt there wasmeditsiini rikkuminecommitted on me. Siiski, under Ohio law, the “value” of a medical malpractice case is determined by how much better your outcome would have been if the malpractice made a difference. I have been very blessed by the Lord in my recovery thus far. Most who are afflicted with Cauda Equina Syndrome are left mostly or totally disabled for the rest of their lives – dealing with pain, numbness/lack of feeling, bladder and bowel problems and sexual dysfunction.
I’ve pushed hard since my surgery, spending a week in Acute Rehab at the hospital then 2 months of outpatientFüüsiline Therapy. I’ve done my stretches and exercises faithfully. I willed myself back to work and worked through pain for several months. My recovery, by objective standards, has been remarkable. My prognosis at the time of the surgery was in the worst possible outcome category due to the malpractice and delay in diagnosing and treating the CES. God fooled them all. I still have all of the above problems, but they are quite manageable with proper treatment and sensible limitations on my activities. I’m in the top 5% of outcome possibilities. So you can see that had the malpractice not occurred, my actual outcome wouldn’t be much, if any, better than it has been. Legally, that means the malpractice didn’t matter. I will be dealing with these symptoms and restrictions for the rest of my life but because I am doing better than I should, it isn’t worth anything. You know what? I’ll take my recovery over having done poorly enough to have a good malpractice case – ANY DAY!!!
The week after my wife and I committing and yielding fully to the Lord was one of great spiritual attack upon us. Everything that could go wrong did, 10 times over it did. And then some! I’ve never seen anything like it in my 55 aastat. We were so overwhelmed with PROBLEMS that arose with everything, from fighting with an unscrupulous business, to insurance issues with health, home, life and auto insurances, to mail going missing (it took one important letter 20 days to make it 40 miles), pharmacy orders disappearing in transit (and unable to reach anyone in the company to fix it), to car problems, and much, much more!
At first, we fell back to our old ways and began to feel overwhelmed and angry. But God wasn’t going to let us go back to what we were. He showed us that it was a spiritual attack and calmed us with His comfort. You know what, He was right. None of it surprised Him, He has our lives so He can do whatever He wants with them, and the result was amazing. We put out a prayer request and many people from all over the country prayed. We were protected and the attacks ceased.
In the rest of Month 8, I’m now commuting 100 miles a day, round trip. I can make the trip in to work in just 45 protokoll. Siiski, the trip home takes about 65-75 protokoll. In the old days (last month), I would have worked myself up in a tizzy with Road Rage in that time! Nüüd, God is in control of when I get to work and when I get home. I just enjoy talking with Him and being courteous to the other drivers who are desperately frazzled. I used to pride myself on my “excellent” driving skills allowing me to move through traffic quicker than others. Now I drive to help others, even though they won’t often know it. And I get a much bigger charge out of the new way!
In summary, at the end of Month 8, life is good. It certainly isn’t what I would have designed or wanted from the individual aspects. But the whole of what God has made of my life and done in me with His relationship with me, is great! I love my wife more than I ever knew one could love. And the love for my Christian family has multiplied many times over. My life is now focused on how I can help others as I go through life knowing that God’s desire for me is to become, in words, mõtted, and actions, an extension of Jesus. When others interact with me, they must see Jesus and His love for them. This is what drives me now. It is what should drive all who call themselves Christians. Charles Spurgeononce said, “Every Christian is either a missionary or an imposter.” Which are you?
Kuu 8 = more normal feeling, more changing of tingly not painful into tingly painful (this means movement towards normal feeling), and better bowel & bladder activity. I was told the nerves would regenerate for a year with most of the regeneration occurring in the first 6 kuud. I’d had no significant changes since Month 2. Maybe I was too busyfightingCauda Equina Syndrome rather thanlivingwith it. I’m not going to say that this is a reward from God for yielding to Him because I don’t believe He operates that way. He loves us all and wants us all to trust in Jesus, first for salvation and secondly for life. All that He allows or causes in our lives are to bring us to those two goals – first to rely on Jesus’ death in our place as the only way we can have a right relationship with Him and live with Him in Heaven one day. Once we have done that, God focuses all of His resources towards us to make us into images of Jesus – we are molded to have kind and loving words like Jesus, have gracious and generous thoughts like Jesus, and not WWJD (What Would Jesus Do?) but WDJD – What Did Jesus Do? How did He act with love for others and for the Father? Not what we think He would act like regarding something today, instead acting out of His love in ALL things.
What a month! What a life! Thanks for reading, my family, my friends, and my extended family in His Spirit.
Ihave changed the title of my blog. Why? Not out of boredom or just liking change, much has happened since my last post. I'll soon post about it, but for now we can say that the Lord has changed my view of what has happened to me... and His immediate purposes behind it.
My faith has seen me through this "Battle" withCauda hobuste sündroom (CES) thus far, but I had no idea where my faith journey was heading. Yes, I wondered why this had happened, what God wanted me to learn and how I should view it. We all know that bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. We always want to know why and often the answer we get is that we may never know why in this lifetime so we just have to live with it. I've heard a lot over the years about people with terrible injuries and diseases "fighting" or "battling" those things which seek to either ruin or take their life. Friends and relatives have been touched by, and some lost to, injuries or disease. Now it is my turn.
What I came to realize is that I had stopped growing spiritually and I was barely being effective in God's Kingdom. God wanted so much more from me but I had succumbed to "The Rat Race" and devoted myself to my work. Don't get me wrong, work is important, but so much more had suffered. My relationship with my wife, my time and service to God and the joy was gone from my life. Through this time of a changed life, where the daily routine of getting up and going to work is a draining physical challenge for me, I've seen myself as battling CES as though my faith, grit and determination were being tested. While they were being tested, that wasn't all. My focus had been on recovering far more than the doctors and physical therapists ever thought I could, further than the medical research said I could. I was going to win my "Battle". I didn't, and don't, hold out the idea of a complete recovery but my goal has been to be able to walk without assistance again - a lofty goal for someone with CES.
It was my attitude that needed changing. I saw this as a challenge where my faith would see me through and coming out the other side of this I would give the credit to God. I would be a faithful soldier in His service. Nothing wrong with that, but... God wanted me. All of me. He has wanted all of me for a long time. I thought I had given myself to Him fully many years ago. He has used me in so many ways everywhere I've lived. But as I said, I had slowly slipped back in to taking His blessings and running with it for my own purposes without even considering His. My wife tried to help me see it, but I was too focused on my goal - which had been so out of reach and now, because of God's blessing, was within my grasp. My attitude had slowly changed and was no longer good. God's smackdown on me physically also affected me emotionally, mentally and spiritually as well. Eventually, everything was stripped away but the spiritual. I found that I had taken myself back from God and He was calling me to give myself completely to Him. Only this time, I understand there is much more depth in this commitment than I ever thought possible before.
In the Ohio derecho storms of June 29, 2012, we lost an old Ash tree that was 85 feet in length. Two men gave us a really good quote on cutting up the tree, removing the stump, and hauling it all away. They figured they could do it in 2 days, 6 hours a day . The stump was incredibly stubborn. Once they started on it, they found it had thick roots running out in all directions for many, many feet. It was too thick for their saws. They chopped at it with axes and worked 3 days from morning till dark. They even had another person come help. And still the stump remained. Finally they rented a stump grinder and did their best. That stump beat them badly for days. In the end, they accomplished what we needed leaving a small mound where the tree had been, siiski, there are still roots under that mound. And they had spent over 40 hours on the project. Their quote earned them less than $6 per hour.
That's how it is when I first gave myself "fully" to God. I saw what looked like full commitment and made that commitment. Over time, there was more and more revealed but I had my goals and dreams too and there was no time, no room, for truly giving myself to God as fully as He wanted. In time, I took back what I had given Him. Suddenly, this year, God changed all of that. Stricken with an injury that would change the rest of my life, taking away many of the things I wanted to do and accomplish, I now had time for Him. I've learned that He wants all of me, and I've made that commitment to Him. Nüüd, whatever recovery I have is fine with me. Of course being who I am, I will still be pushing for the best results possible. As with many whom God used in the past, He has place His mark of ownership on me - my CES. It is a reminder of whose I am, whose strength I depend on, and who has complete control of my life. We are not to give God a little, or even a large, part in our lives. He wants our whole life to be a part of His. He wants to live out His life through us. That's what the Bible means when Paul wrote in the 8th Chapter of Romans that we who believe are being shaped and molded by God to be just like Jesus. Not just our character, but character drives motivation, and out of motivation comes actions. God uses the events in our lives to transform us (Romans 12), and He transforms us into people who think, act, speak, and love just like Jesus. Why? So He can reach people who don't know, or those who don't care about His love.
No wonder so many in America today don't want anything to do with Christianity or church - look at how we Christians live! That isn't God's plan. Time for me to get with the plan. And I no longer fight CES, but it is a mark of ownership on me and of my commitment to God. So it is now "Mu elu koos Cauda equina sündroom" and thus the new name for my blog.