Mes 11 ten pilotado por (como ten Mes 12 ata agora, así, este post tarde).
Mes 10 rematou con algunhas cousas malas suceder na miña vida persoal. Estes continuaron durante a maior parte do mes 11 tamén. I was dealing with the feelings caused by my familia member and also a friend. Dos dous, o roto amizade hurt far more. The relationship with my family member had been on a long slow descent with an abrupt, pero curto, cliff at the end. The broken friendship is something that I didn’t see coming… a total surprise and shock. We’ve all been there before, pero foi así por moito tempo desde que alguén me suxeitou tan preto no meu corazón fixo unha cousa destas.
Eu non quero a amizade rota, but it remains that way to this day. For almost a month, I didn’t know how I would feel should my friend ask for forgiveness. Eventually, the hurt receded. This allowed me to align my feelings with my caring for this person. I am now at the point where I can forgive my friend should they ask for it. I can also continue the friendship; con todo, non sería tan preto canto antes ... Eu non estou nun punto na miña vida onde eu estou disposto a confiar en mentirosos suficiente para permitir-los no meu círculo de amigos próximos. Perhaps I never will be. The really sad part is that I don't think this person has the first clue that they've done anything to hurt me.
Nadal came and went during Month 11. We had a nice, quiet time - pero o older Recibe, the more I miss having a family that loves one another. We don’t have children and that puts us in a lonely place too. I come from a very dysfunctional family. Perhaps that is why I have such revulsion for liars. My family’s holiday gatherings (Acción de grazas & Nadal) sempre foron grandes shows onde todos poñen unha máscara e viviu unha mentira que nos foron normais, caring family. The rest of the year told a different, sad story. I survived, pero non ileso, by getting out. 2014 marca miña 21ª ano centos viva (nalgún momento miles) of miles from family. If you rule out the “visits” when they were just bringing my Mom to see me, ou busca-la, Podo contar nos dedos dunha man as veces a miña familia me visitado naqueles 21 anos. I, con todo, visitaron los polo menos unha ducia de veces.
En aos meus CES ...
Mentres eu estaba camiñando como Frankenstein e incapaz de sentir os meus nocellos, it seems I had such a poor gait that I tore a tendon in my right ankle. Now that I have some feeling there, Eu sabía que algo que non sexa a dor do nervio do Síndrome de cabalos Cauda was going on. The Doc said only surgery will fix it, but for now I’m only wearing an ankle brace. Had I noticed this earlier last year I would have had the surgery, pero é un ano novo, with a new insurance deductible. And of course I’m on a high deductible plan (non por elección - é as miñas ofertas de empresarios).
I have regained feeling in a lot of areas. The results of the nerve conductivity tests showed most of the L4/L5 damage has healed. This was the level at which the disk blew out, so I happy with that finding. However the points below L4/L5 still show significant injury and the jury is still out as to what will happen with those areas. I do have more “choque eléctrico"Introduza sentimentos, mostly in my right foot. The backs of my thighs and lower buttocks are still numb as is most of my genital area. B&B aínda é unha cuestión que ten unha morea de xestión (que é vexiga & Intestino, non Cama & Almorzo).
Teño sido encorajado, como o mes 11 pechado, polo grupo pequeno Estudo da Biblia we’re doing in our home. Between that and studying for my CMA exame en febreiro, I haven’t had much time for other things or maintaining relationships. I’ll be so glad once this exam is taken. I’ve had to give up some things – things I love doing - on the schedule in order to concentrate on these. After the exam, Eu teño un par de outros proxectos na miña lista preparado, así que vou continuar a estar ocupado.
Será que a miña síndrome de cauda eqüina afectar todo isto? Definitely! Does it help shape my life? Absolutely! Is it defining me? In some small way… it is a part of me, just as my arms or legs are. Yes, Teño días malas, tanto física como emocionalmente - espero que non os dous á vez! Through it all I rely on God’s love to see me through. In His love He knew that my back would be injured and He used that event to prod me to grow closer to Him. He has sustained me, me alimentou, and lifted me up. I am a better person, at a better place in life because of God taking the lemons of Cauda Equina Syndrome and helping me make lemonade out of them. Where that will lead I do not know, pero o que é unha aventura que eu estou en!