Mwa 11 gen ki ta vole pa (jan yo gen Mwa 12 byen lwen tèlman, konsa pòs sa a an reta).
Mwa 10 te fini ak kèk move bagay k ap pase nan lavi pèsonèl mwen. Sa yo kontinye nan pi fò nan Mwa 11 kòm byen. I was dealing with the feelings caused by my fanmi member and also a friend. Nan de moun, kase a amitye hurt far more. The relationship with my family member had been on a long slow descent with an abrupt, men kout, cliff at the end. The broken friendship is something that I didn’t see coming… a total surprise and shock. We’ve all been there before, men li te tèlman lontan depi yon moun mwen ki te fèt ki te fèmen nan kè m 'fè yon bagay konsa.
Mwen pa vle amitye a kase, but it remains that way to this day. For almost a month, I didn’t know how I would feel should my friend ask for forgiveness. Eventually, the hurt receded. This allowed me to align my feelings with my caring for this person. I am now at the point where I can forgive my friend should they ask for it. I can also continue the friendship; sepandan li pa ta dwe tankou fèmen tankou anvan ... Mwen pa nan yon pwen nan lavi m 'kote m' vle mete konfyans ka fè pesonn konfyans ase yo ki pèmèt yo antre nan ti sèk mwen an zanmi pwòch. Perhaps I never will be. The really sad part is that I don't think this person has the first clue that they've done anything to hurt me.
Nwèl came and went during Month 11. We had a nice, quiet time - men o lalder mwen jwenn, the more I miss having a family that loves one another. We don’t have children and that puts us in a lonely place too. I come from a very dysfunctional family. Perhaps that is why I have such revulsion for liars. My family’s holiday gatherings (Jou Aksyon de Gras & Nwèl) yo te toujou montre gwo kote tout moun mete yo sou yon mask epi te rete deyò yon manti ke nou tout yo te nòmal, caring family. The rest of the year told a different, sad story. I survived, men se pa eparye, by getting out. 2014 make m ' 21ST ane nan k ap viv dè santèn (nenpòt moman dè milye) of miles from family. If you rule out the “visits” when they were just bringing my Mom to see me, oswa chwazi li moute, Mwen ka konte sou tèt zòtèy pye yo nan yon sèl men konbyen fwa li te fanmi m te vizite m 'nan sa yo 21 ane. I, sepandan, te vizite yo omwen yon douzèn fwa.
Sou CES mwen ...
Pandan ke mwen te ap mache tankou Frankenstein ak kapab santi je pye m ', it seems I had such a poor gait that I tore a tendon in my right ankle. Now that I have some feeling there, Mwen te konnen yon lòt bagay pase doulè a nè nan Chval cheval sendwòm was going on. The Doc said only surgery will fix it, but for now I’m only wearing an ankle brace. Had I noticed this earlier last year I would have had the surgery, men li la yon nouvèl ane, with a new insurance deductible. And of course I’m on a high deductible plan (pa pa chwa - li se tout anplwayè mwen ofri).
I have regained feeling in a lot of areas. The results of the nerve conductivity tests showed most of the L4/L5 damage has healed. This was the level at which the disk blew out, so I happy with that finding. However the points below L4/L5 still show significant injury and the jury is still out as to what will happen with those areas. I do have more “chòk elektrik"Tape santiman, mostly in my right foot. The backs of my thighs and lower buttocks are still numb as is most of my genital area. B&B se toujou yon pwoblèm ki pran yon anpil nan jesyon (sa a, se nan vesi & Entesten, pa Kabann & Dejene).
Mwen te ankouraje, kòm Mwa 11 fèmen, pa ti gwoup la Etid biblik we’re doing in our home. Between that and studying for my CMA egzamen nan mwa fevriye, I haven’t had much time for other things or maintaining relationships. I’ll be so glad once this exam is taken. I’ve had to give up some things – things I love doing - on the schedule in order to concentrate on these. After the exam, Mwen gen yon koup nan lòt pwojè sou lis pare m ', Se konsa, mwen yo ap kontinye rete okipe.
Sendwòm chval keu mwen an afekte tout bagay sa yo? Definitely! Does it help shape my life? Absolutely! Is it defining me? In some small way… it is a part of me, just as my arms or legs are. Yes, Mwen gen move jou, tou de fizikman ak emosyonèlman - èspere ke pa tou de an menm tan an! Through it all I rely on God’s love to see me through. In His love He knew that my back would be injured and He used that event to prod me to grow closer to Him. He has sustained me, nouri m ', and lifted me up. I am a better person, at a better place in life because of God taking the lemons of Cauda Equina Syndrome and helping me make lemonade out of them. Where that will lead I do not know, men ki sa yon avanti Se mwen menm ki sou!