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CES | Mėnuo 11 su uodegoje equina sindromas

Mėnuo 11 turi nuskraidinti (kaip turi Mėnesio 12 iki šiol, Taigi tai vėlai pranešimas).

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Mėnuo 10 baigėsi kai kurių blogų dalykų vyksta mano asmeninio gyvenimo. Tai tęsėsi beveik visą mėnesį 11 taip pat. I was dealing with the feelings caused by my šeima member and also a friend. Iš dviejų, neveikia draugystė hurt far more. The relationship with my family member had been on a long slow descent with an abrupt, bet trumpas, cliff at the end. The broken friendship is something that I didn’t see coming… a total surprise and shock. We’ve all been there before, bet tai buvo taip seniai kažkas aš nusprendė, kad arti mano širdies padarė tokį dalyką.

 

.unknowingNenoriu draugystė suskaidytas, but it remains that way to this day. For almost a month, I didn’t know how I would feel should my friend ask for forgiveness. Eventually, the hurt receded. This allowed me to align my feelings with my caring for this person. I am now at the point where I can forgive my friend should they ask for it. I can also continue the friendship; Tačiau tai nebus taip arti, kaip prieš ... aš ne už mano gyvenime, kai aš noriu pasitikėti melagiai pakankamai, kad būtų galima juos į mano ratas artimų draugų. Perhaps I never will be. The really sad part is that I don't think this person has the first clue that they've done anything to hurt me.

 

 

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Kalėdos came and went during Month 11. We had a nice, quiet time - bet older man, the more I miss having a family that loves one another. We don’t have children and that puts us in a lonely place too. I come from a very dysfunctional family. Perhaps that is why I have such revulsion for liars. My family’s holiday gatherings (Padėkos & Kalėdos) visada buvo didelis šou, kuriame visi įdėti į kaukę ir gyveno iš melas, kad mes visi buvo normalus, caring family. The rest of the year told a different, sad story. I survived, bet nenukentėjo, by getting out. 2014 žymi mano 21g metus gyvena šimtus (kažkada tūkstančių) of miles from family. If you rule out the “visits” when they were just bringing my Mom to see me, arba pasiimti ją aukštyn, Galiu suskaičiuoti ant vienos rankos pirštų, kiek kartų mano šeima aplankė mane tie 21 years. I, tačiau, aplankė juos bent keliolika kartų.

Dėl mano CES ...

Nors ėjau kaip Frankenšteinas ir negali jausti mano kulkšnys, it seems I had such a poor gait that I tore a tendon in my right ankle. Now that I have some feeling there, Aš žinojau, ką nors kitą, nei nervo skausmas Uodega arklių sindromas was going on. The Doc said only surgery will fix it, but for now I’m only wearing an ankle brace. Had I noticed this earlier last year I would have had the surgery, bet tai nauji metai, with a new insurance deductible. And of course I’m on a high deductible plan (ne savo noru - tai visi mano darbdavys siūlo).

I have regained feeling in a lot of areas. The results of the nerve conductivity tests showed most of the L4/L5 damage has healed. This was the level at which the disk blew out, so I happy with that finding. However the points below L4/L5 still show significant injury and the jury is still out as to what will happen with those areas. I do have more “elektros šokas"Įrašykite jausmus, mostly in my right foot. The backs of my thighs and lower buttocks are still numb as is most of my genital area. B&B yra vis dar problema, kad mano valdymo aikštelė (tai šlapimo pūslės & Žarnos, ne Lova & Pusryčiai).

Man buvo skatinami, kaip mėnesį 11 uždarytas, iš nedidelės grupės Biblijos studijos we’re doing in our home. Between that and studying for my CMA egzaminas vasario, I haven’t had much time for other things or maintaining relationships. I’ll be so glad once this exam is taken. I’ve had to give up some things – things I love doing - on the schedule in order to concentrate on these. After the exam, Turiu kitų projektų pora mano paruošto sąrašo, todėl aš ir toliau likti užimtas.

Ar mano Uodega equina sindromas įtakos visa tai? Definitely! Does it help shape my life? Absolutely! Is it defining me? In some small way… it is a part of me, just as my arms or legs are. Taip, Turiu blogų dienų, tiek fiziškai, tiek emociškai - tikiuosi ne tiek tuo pačiu metu! Through it all I rely on God’s love to see me through. In His love He knew that my back would be injured and He used that event to prod me to grow closer to Him. He has sustained me, puoselėjo mane, and lifted me up. I am a better person, at a better place in life because of God taking the lemons of Cauda Equina Syndrome and helping me make lemonade out of them. Where that will lead I do not know, tačiau tai, ką nuotykių aš esu!

CES | Mėnuo 10 su uodegoje equina sindromas

CES | Mėnuo 10

Mėnuo 9 atėjo į pabaigą su mano žmona ir aš rengiasi savo kelio endoprotezavimo operacijos. Buvome gerai pasirengę. Tada, kaip su pakrantės gyventojas jojimo iš uraganas, jis trenkė.

Mes atvyko į ligoninę anksti ir patikrinta ne 6:59 a.m. Ji buvo nuvežta į iš anksto-op ne 8 a.m., 30 minutes late and the snowball started rolling. They took her to surgery at 9:49 and surgery actually started at 10:23 – now some 53 minutes behind schedule. Why is all of this important? I have Cauda Equina Syndrome and sitting, especially in uncomfortable chairs, takes a toll on me.

I had to get up and walk around every so often then sit back down, as neither is a good long term proposition for me. I was hurting more with each passing minute. Į 11:43, my wife’s surgery was done and she went to recovery. I spoke with the surgeon and then went to wait some more.

I got a couple of calls on my cell phone from a recovery room nurse explaining that my wife was slow in being able to move her good leg. They had done a spinal block for the anesthesia rather than a general. After the block, she would have to stay in recovery until she could move legs, pėdų, and sets of toes. I hunted down the cafeteria to get some food. After a long walk, I found it.

The food wasn’t bad at all. I sat, resting my legs, until my butt & lower back began hurting again. I dreaded the long walk back to the waiting area, but I had to walk again, so off I went. I actually stopped along the way to give my hips a rest. Walking tires out my leg muscles, particularly my hips, very quickly. I’ve been doing strengthening exercises, but haven’t seen much improvement in several months.

Arriving back at the waiting area, I sat down again for the wait. Just before 3 p.m., they called me to the front desk and advised me that my wife was leaving recovery for her room. Off I went, slowly but surely… down the hall to the next section of the hospital, up the elevators, then down a couple of more halls to her room. On the verge of needing to sit down again, I arrived at her room. There was no name plate on the wall by the door but I entered anyway. Nothing but 2 chairs and a nightstand were there. On the whiteboard, no patient, nurse, or tech names were written. Did I have the right room? Just then, a nurse came in and asked if I was in the right place. I thought of several pain induced sarcastic remarks but quickly quashed those, instead saying, “I guess I beat her here.” The nurse left.

My wife did arrive shortly, and 1 of the chairs was an ortho chair, which type one of my techs during my stay at this hospital earlier this year due to my CES surgery had swiped from this floor to let me sit in. I was very pleased with this because they are comfortable. At last, a comfy chair! In comes my wife’s nurse and tech, along with the social worker. I thought I recognized the tech. When he said his name, Randall, I knew! He had been my tech 9 months earlier. He thought I looked familiar too when I asked him if he had worked on another floor 9 mėnesių prieš. He still works the neuro floor but does extra shifts on the ortho floor for some overtime.

My wife’s pain was not well controlled the first 24 hours after surgery so she had to stay in the hospital for 2 nights instead of the planned 1. During this time, my pain was not well controlled either. The morning after surgery, I got out of bed and hurt so badly that I really didn’t want to move. Then I had to go to work… ugh! The next day, I got to pick my wife up and bring her home – Oh Happy Day! Then it was waiting on her, which was nothing like what she had to do while waiting on me earlier in the year! But I didn’t get much rest for a few days and I was in a lot of pain. I felt like I had 4 or 5 months earlier.

Slowly I she and I both recovered. After about 2 dienos, her recovery accelerated and by the end of 4 dienos (also the end of Month 10 of my CES), she was ready to start driving again. Only in the last week did my pain subside, in part due to Thanksgiving.

Central Ohio was visited by a snow storm just before Thanksgiving. With this being the first snow for our Elantra, I didn’t know how well it would do. I had it parked in the garage which requires a climb up a moderately steep hill for 70 pėdų, then a 70 degree right turn, followed by another 40 feet of steep hill to get to our street. Our former ride, a 2010 Prius, made that in 4 inches of snow with no problem… not so the Elantra. To be fair, the Prius had high end Michelin all weather traction tires on it. Since we’re not worn out the OEM tires on the Elantra yet, we’ve not replaced the tires so this isn’t necessarily a fair comparison. Bet kokiu atveju, the Elantra couldn’t quite make it to the turn in the driveway… I was stuck. My wife’s ’98 Caddy was parked in front of the house with a straight shot up the last section of driveway, except her sister had parked it straight in instead of backing it in – no way to get it out until the driveway thaws.

So, being ever so adventurous, I decide the next day to walk down the driveway to get our snow shovel out of our outbuilding. Yep, you guessed it, I slipped and fell. In the process, I injured my back. At first it seemed to be just muscle. After a day or so, it seemed like a disk bulging but not rupturing. Lots of heating pad time and rest helped my back return to normal. After all of this adventure, I feel better and with less pain than when the month started.

I had pain in the right superficial peroneal nerve since my Feb injury. Not really raw pain but a tightness, in the front part of my ankle. When walking and stepping forward with my left foot, if I stepped too far the nerve would bend no further and my ankle would roll to the right. Very disconcerting and painful. Last week my ankle gave a loud “pop” and the tightness and pain went away. Evidently the swollen nerve is continuing to decrease and did so to the point where it broke free of its impingement. Good. Very good.

Spiritually this month was a learning and testing month. Everything encountered in Month 10 was a challenge to some aspect of my surrender of everything to God in Month 9. I was pondering, for a time, the regression of my symptoms. I had my schedule overloaded. I was hurting and tired. A family member turned his back on me after I had been his biggest supporter while he was growing up. My crime against him was telling him some things he was saying weren’t true and I didn’t want him spreading falsehoods because it would make him look less intelligent. He told me off and cutoff communication. I also felt the sting of dishonesty from a friend. Those who know me know that honesty is an absolute with me. I give it and expect it. While I know that most people engage in what they consider small lies to their friends, it is extremely NOT a small matter with me. In this case, I'm sure they thought nothing of it, not even aware they did it... nor of how my discovery of it would affect me. My asking God to teach me to have more grace is being answered through this, but it is definitely not the way I would want to develop more grace.

In the end, physically I end Month 10 doing better than last month. Life is becoming still busier, and that is good due to what is making it that way. Emotionally & spiritually, I’m battling through the emotional aspects of actions by my family member and my friend. I have always been one for reconciliation but these will be difficult. So on to Month 11! Coming up on a year, and I think coming up on an end to the posts on this blog. My battle with CES turned into my life with CES, which has mostly pushed CES into the rearview mirror. Taip, I still have it. Taip, it affects me every day. Taip, it will still do so for the rest of my life. But I’ve come out of my encounter with it. It is God’s mark of ownership on me and I’m growing used to it being here. Its impact on me has been to drive profound and beneficial changes in me. That drive is coming to an end and soon it will be parked by the house, around but not used, destined to become a rusting old junk heap with weeds growing up around it. Yeah, that’s a good place for it.

CES | Mėnuo 8 su uodegoje equina sindromas

ces awarenss wristbandMano 8d month with Uodega arklių sindromas is in the books now and what a month! We moved back to our old house on Sep 6d and began the process of unpacking. Aš paėmė laiko ne Nuo rugsėjis 6 - 15 , kad galėčiau padėti stebėti judėti (o gal net padėti šiek tiek.) We’ve been taking it slowly, metering our energy and pain levels out. My wife and I enjoyed our time together immensely. We did our devotional times together and then discussed it in depth, often spending an hour or more a day on it. We found out that there is a lot of truth in the statement, “The closer a couple gets to God, the closer they get to each other.” We had a great time of reconnecting in a relaxed atmosphere. We sure needed this time!

Just prior to the end of Month 7, I reached a low point in battling CES. The long days of physical challenge, the emotional toll, and the strain on my wife as well came to a head. Aš nežinojau, tai tada, but God was preparing me for what was just days away. He broke me down completely as I spent several hours one night, sobbing and crying out to Him. I was looking for answers and understanding. Eventually, I was spent physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Then there was nothing. No prompting, no comfort, no answers. I fell asleep.

Blessed be your nameImmediately upon waking the following morning, I knew God had answered. His peace was on me like never before and I felt His comfort wrapping me. Not a in a physical sense, but just knowing, throughout my being, that He had heard and was showing His love for me. It changed my outlook on life, my Cauda Equina Syndrome, and much more. I even changed the title of this blog. You can read more about it here - http://wp.me/p3A64Y-7V

During the study my wife and I were doing together after moving, each of us (separately) came to a realization that we had slowly taken back our lives from God and that He was calling us back to fully committing to Him. We explored the depth of that commitment because it was clear that it was far more than we had ever considered it to be. As we each pondered it that day, the Word sank in. That evening, I told my wife that I had decided to go all in – yielding my life to God for His purposes. She had made the same decision. We rejoiced together.

In Month 8, I also came to the end of the road for legal action regarding my Cauda Equina Syndrome. I had 2 separate law firms look at the case for a possible malpractice claim. Both attorneys say that without doubt there was medical malpractice committed on me. Tačiau, under Ohio law, the “value” of a medical malpractice case is determined by how much better your outcome would have been if the malpractice made a difference. I have been very blessed by the Lord in my recovery thus far. Most who are afflicted with Cauda Equina Syndrome are left mostly or totally disabled for the rest of their lives – dealing with pain, numbness/lack of feeling, bladder and bowel problems and sexual dysfunction.

I’ve pushed hard since my surgery, spending a week in Acute Rehab at the hospital then 2 months of outpatient Fizinė terapija. I’ve done my stretches and exercises faithfully. I willed myself back to work and worked through pain for several months. My recovery, by objective standards, has been remarkable. My prognosis at the time of the surgery was in the worst possible outcome category due to the malpractice and delay in diagnosing and treating the CES. God fooled them all. I still have all of the above problems, but they are quite manageable with proper treatment and sensible limitations on my activities. I’m in the top 5% of outcome possibilities. So you can see that had the malpractice not occurred, my actual outcome wouldn’t be much, if any, better than it has been. Legally, that means the malpractice didn’t matter. I will be dealing with these symptoms and restrictions for the rest of my life but because I am doing better than I should, it isn’t worth anything. You know what? I’ll take my recovery over having done poorly enough to have a good malpractice case – ANY DAY!!!

The week after my wife and I committing and yielding fully to the Lord was one of great spiritual attack upon us. Everything that could go wrong did, 10 times over it did. And then some! I’ve never seen anything like it in my 55 years. We were so overwhelmed with PROBLEMS that arose with everything, from fighting with an unscrupulous business, to insurance issues with health, home, life and auto insurances, to mail going missing (it took one important letter 20 days to make it 40 miles), pharmacy orders disappearing in transit (and unable to reach anyone in the company to fix it), to car problems, and much, much more!

Pirma, we fell back to our old ways and began to feel overwhelmed and angry. But God wasn’t going to let us go back to what we were. He showed us that it was a spiritual attack and calmed us with His comfort. You know what, He was right. None of it surprised Him, He has our lives so He can do whatever He wants with them, and the result was amazing. We put out a prayer request and many people from all over the country prayed. We were protected and the attacks ceased.

In the rest of Month 8, I’m now commuting 100 miles a day, round trip. I can make the trip in to work in just 45 protokolas. Tačiau, the trip home takes about 65-75 protokolas. In the old days (last month), I would have worked myself up in a tizzy with Road Rage in that time! Dabar, God is in control of when I get to work and when I get home. I just enjoy talking with Him and being courteous to the other drivers who are desperately frazzled. I used to pride myself on my “excellent” driving skills allowing me to move through traffic quicker than others. Now I drive to help others, even though they won’t often know it. And I get a much bigger charge out of the new way!

Charles Spurgeon (C.H. Spurgeon)
Charles Spurgeon (C.H. Spurgeon) (Nuotraukų kredito: Vikipedija)

In summary, at the end of Month 8, life is good. It certainly isn’t what I would have designed or wanted from the individual aspects. But the whole of what God has made of my life and done in me with His relationship with me, is great! I love my wife more than I ever knew one could love. And the love for my Christian family has multiplied many times over. My life is now focused on how I can help others as I go through life knowing that God’s desire for me is to become, in words, mintys, and actions, an extension of Jesus. When others interact with me, they must see Jesus and His love for them. This is what drives me now. It is what should drive all who call themselves Christians. Charles Spurgeon once said, Every Christian is either a missionary or an imposter.” Which are you?

Mėnuo 8 = more normal feeling, more changing of tingly not painful into tingly painful (this means movement towards normal feeling), and better bowel & bladder activity. I was told the nerves would regenerate for a year with most of the regeneration occurring in the first 6 mėnesių. I’d had no significant changes since Month 2. Maybe I was too busy fighting Cauda Equina Syndrome rather than living with it. I’m not going to say that this is a reward from God for yielding to Him because I don’t believe He operates that way. He loves us all and wants us all to trust in Jesus, first for salvation and secondly for life. All that He allows or causes in our lives are to bring us to those two goals – first to rely on Jesus’ death in our place as the only way we can have a right relationship with Him and live with Him in Heaven one day. Once we have done that, God focuses all of His resources towards us to make us into images of Jesus – we are molded to have kind and loving words like Jesus, have gracious and generous thoughts like Jesus, and not WWJD (What Would Jesus Do?) but WDJD – What Did Jesus Do? How did He act with love for others and for the Father? Not what we think He would act like regarding something today, instead acting out of His love in ALL things.

What a month! What a life! Thanks for reading, my family, my friends, and my extended family in His Spirit.

Sustiprinti pagal Zemanta

CES | Mėnesių 5 & 6

Mano 5 mėnesį jubiliejus kovos uodegoje equina sindromas atėjo ir praėjo su mėgstamas aikštelė. Tiek daug, kad aš esu mažiau nei savaitei nuo mėnesio pabaigos 6.

jų 3

Atrodytų, amžinai paradas gydytojo paskyrimus tapo srovelė. Bet gyvenimas buvo labai užimtas - we're preparing to move back to our unsold house in Lancaster, OH and there is a lot to do in that regard.

I've settled into a routine with my recovery from CES, with no improvement in my symptoms except for more strength in my legs. This has allowed me to increase the distances I can cover using my cane and walking unassisted. One morning, two weeks ago, I walked unassisted for approximately 400 pėdų. I made it but that was it for the day - I had to use my rollator walker after that. The balancing effort really tired me.

My routine begins with rising in the morning 1 hour and 45 minutes before I leave for work. I go feed our cat and sit with her while she eats, following which I go change my diaper. Next up is a trip to the kitchen to fix my breakfast (some days Kim gets up and takes care of this - it depends on how she feels). I get out my bagel and cream cheese, the milk, and a Coke Zero. I put the bagel in the toaster oven and proceed to the dining room table where my glucometer and oral meds await.

After taking my blood sugar reading and downing my meds, I return to the kitchen to get the bagel out of the toaster oven and spread the cream cheese. I begin eating as I put things back in the fridge and return to the table to finish eating. After eating, I then take 2 spoons of fiber in a glass of water. I then mix a dose of MiraLax along with the Coke Zero in the glass and down it.

Why Coke Zero?

When I mix and drink the fiber, some of it sticks to the glass and spoon I used for stirring it. The residue sticks to the glass as if mixed with SuperGlue! 2 or 3 doses of fiber and it's time for a new glass and spoon. Tačiau, Coke products are very corrosive and clean the glass extremely well just by pouring it in the glass! Coke's "cleaning" capabilities have been proven by none other than the MythBusters.

Well after all of that, I then take a dose of each of my 2 insulins and head to the bathroom to shave and shower. Once completed there, I move to the bedroom where I stretch my hamstrings and do my foot flexor exercises. Then come the back stretches, piriformis stretches, and 2 different hip abductor exercises. Every few days I do balancing exercises after that.

I then get dressed and leave for work. Yep, due to being stiff and not having taken pain meds for over 8 hours while sleeping, this process takes me 1+45, whereas before my injury, I could be out the door 30 minutes after waking. Throughout the day, I don't sit for too long before getting up and walking around (meldais) for a few minutes. I use the cane because of balance. The less I have to help me balance, the more energy is expended in walking. In any event, standing still is limited to a max of 3 minutes so often I have to get folks at work to walk while we talk. Otherwise I'd just have to walk away from them. Same thing at church.

Time to Adapt - ClockAfter getting home, activity varies between spending time with my wife, email, moving prep, tv, playing with our cat, and my blogs. There are also more exercises to do. The medical literature says that most of the recovery from CES happens in the first 6 months after surgery. I'll be there at that point in 3 weeks and I've really had no increase in sensation/feeling since around the 2 month mark. Everything is pretty steady. So maybe this is all I'll get back and will forever remain unable to feel normally in most of my body below my waist. No feeling at all in some of it, only painful sensations in most of it. Last night, while Kim was putting lotion on my legs, she gently gripped my right foot to move my leg's position. I jerked it out of her hand as fast as I could - it felt like she had taken a clamp and placed it very tightly on my foot. Of course she hadn't, but it sure felt that way!

So this is the routine now. How this fits into the next ministry stage God has in mind for me I do not know. Whatever it is, it must be important because of this training process I'm being put through. God is doing a great work in me, molding me into a better human being and becoming more Christ-like every day. I am grateful for the changes in my attitudes and outlook that He has affected through this affliction. But I obviously wish there was a less painful way to get through my thick skull.