CES | महिना 11 पुच्छ Equina सिंड्रोम असलेल्या

महिना 11 आहे द्वारे फ्लायचे भूतकाळी रूप (महिना आहे म्हणून 12 आतापर्यंत, अशा प्रकारे हे उशीरा पोस्ट).

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महिना 10 ended with some bad things happening in my personal life. These continued through most of Month 11 as well. I was dealing with the feelings caused by my कुटुंब member and also a friend. Of the two, मोडलेले मैत्री hurt far more. The relationship with my family member had been on a long slow descent with an abrupt, पण लहान, cliff at the end. The broken friendship is something that I didn’t see coming… a total surprise and shock. We’ve all been there before, पण तो अच्छा कोणीतरी मला माझ्या मनात बंद अशा गोष्ट केली आहे की झालेल्या पासून गेले आहे.

 

.unknowingमी मैत्री तोडलेली नको, but it remains that way to this day. For almost a month, I didn’t know how I would feel should my friend ask for forgiveness. Eventually, the hurt receded. This allowed me to align my feelings with my caring for this person. I am now at the point where I can forgive my friend should they ask for it. I can also continue the friendship; मात्र त्यापूर्वी म्हणून बंद नाही ... मी बंद मित्रांच्या माझ्या मंडळामध्ये मध्ये त्यांना परवानगी देणे liars पुरेशी विश्वास ठेवण्यास तयार आहे जेथे माझ्या आयुष्यात एक वेळी नसेन. Perhaps I never will be. The really sad part is that I don't think this person has the first clue that they've done anything to hurt me.

 

 

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नाताळ came and went during Month 11. We had a nice, quiet time - पण Older मी करा, the more I miss having a family that loves one another. We don’t have children and that puts us in a lonely place too. I come from a very dysfunctional family. Perhaps that is why I have such revulsion for liars. My family’s holiday gatherings (आभार मानण्याची क्रिया & नाताळ) नेहमी सर्वांना एक मास्क ठेवू आणि आम्ही सर्व सामान्य होते की एक विश्रांती बाहेर वास्तव्य जेथे मोठ्या शो होते, caring family. The rest of the year told a different, sad story. I survived, पण सहीसलामत नाही, by getting out. 2014 चिन्हांकित माझ्या 21यष्टीचीत शेकडो देश वर्ष (कधीतरी हजारो) of miles from family. If you rule out the “visits” when they were just bringing my Mom to see me, किंवा तिच्या पकडू, मी माझ्या कुटुंबाला त्या मला भेट दिली आहे किती वेळा एक हात बोटे वर मोजू शकता 21 years. I, तथापि, त्यांना किमान एक डझन वेळा भेट दिली आहे.

माझे CES ऑन ...

मी ज्यानी निर्मिलेली गोष्ट त्याच्याच नाशाला कारणीभूत होते असा मनुष्य जसे चालणे आणि माझ्या ankles वाटत अक्षम करताना, it seems I had such a poor gait that I tore a tendon in my right ankle. Now that I have some feeling there, मी मज्जातंतू वेदना पेक्षा इतर काहीतरी माहित पुच्छ घोड्याचा सिंड्रोम was going on. The Doc said only surgery will fix it, but for now I’m only wearing an ankle brace. Had I noticed this earlier last year I would have had the surgery, पण ते एक नवीन वर्षाचे, with a new insurance deductible. And of course I’m on a high deductible plan (पर्याय नाही - ते सर्व माझे नियोक्ता ऑफर आहे).

I have regained feeling in a lot of areas. The results of the nerve conductivity tests showed most of the L4/L5 damage has healed. This was the level at which the disk blew out, so I happy with that finding. However the points below L4/L5 still show significant injury and the jury is still out as to what will happen with those areas. I do have more “इलेक्ट्रिक शॉक"भावना टाइप, mostly in my right foot. The backs of my thighs and lower buttocks are still numb as is most of my genital area. B&ब अजूनही व्यवस्थापन भरपूर लागतात समस्या आहे (की मूत्राशय आहे & आतडी, नाही वाफा & न्याहारी).

मी प्रोत्साहन गेले आहेत, महिना म्हणून 11 बंद, लहान गट बायबल अभ्यास we’re doing in our home. Between that and studying for my CMA फेब्रुवारी मध्ये परीक्षा, I haven’t had much time for other things or maintaining relationships. I’ll be so glad once this exam is taken. I’ve had to give up some things – things I love doing - on the schedule in order to concentrate on these. After the exam, मी माझ्या तयार यादीत इतर प्रकल्प दोन आहेत, म्हणून मी व्यस्त राहू राहील.

माझे पुच्छ Equina सिंड्रोम या सर्व होतो का? Definitely! Does it help shape my life? Absolutely! Is it defining me? In some small way… it is a part of me, just as my arms or legs are. Yes, मी वाईट दिवस आहेत, दोन्ही शारीरिक आणि भावनिक - आशेने नाही दोन्ही एकाच वेळी! Through it all I rely on God’s love to see me through. In His love He knew that my back would be injured and He used that event to prod me to grow closer to Him. He has sustained me, मला संगोपन, and lifted me up. I am a better person, at a better place in life because of God taking the lemons of Cauda Equina Syndrome and helping me make lemonade out of them. Where that will lead I do not know, पण काय एक साहस मी आहे!