Tag Archives: Cerita peribadi

Kemas kini – 18 Bulan Sebelumnya… Perjalanan saya dengan Cauda Equina Sindrom Mula

18 Months Ago…

On Feb 11, 2013, I had never heard of Cauda sindrom kuda (CES). That changed the next day. This very day, 18 months ago, I awoke with no feeling below my waist. Something very wrong was going on with my body! Saya tidak tahu maka, but I was beginning the journey called Cauda Equina Syndrome.

On this blog I’ve chronicled the first year of that journey. I have been very blessed in my recovery, especially given that it took 14 days to have my decompression surgery and not having ANY feeling below my waist. I won’t cover the details of what has been written before, but this update gives a quick look at my progress since the one year mark.

Many neurosurgeons and other physicians say that nerve regeneration only occurs for 12 months, while others say 12 - 18 months is the time in which what healing will happen does happen. My physical therapist told me 18 - 24 months. I don’t know if this is “frontline” info or whether she was just trying to motivate me further than I already was.

For me, the months since my 1 year anniversary have been challenging with some minor regression – but, I am still seeing spurts of significant regeneration taking place. I went through a period of frequent nerve pain in the top of my right foot. This seemed to be aggravated by my evening commute, which is usually around 1 jam 10 minit. The last 10 - 15 minutes of the drive I would get the “electro-shock” feeling so familiar from other body parts earlier in my recovery.

These were so painful I almost became a dangerous driver. I fell back on my flight training skills – ABC – Aviate (Fly the plane, in this case, drive the car – make sure you don’t run into someone or something), Navigate (Don’t get lost and for the car it means make sure you don’t miss a turn while distracted), Communicate (In the air, we’d get help from controllers on the ground, in the car, this just means Comfort – try to find a position where the pain subsides. Those pains left me about a month ago. As they left, they presented me with a going away present of more feeling in my feet. I now only have impaired feeling in a ½ - ¾ inch band around my foot, beginning about ½ inch above the bottoms of the feet (my toes excepted as they have had feeling for some time.)

My legs have feeling back except for the backs of the legs and inner portion of the buttocks, but only the lower ½ of that and the corresponding front area. That too is a recent improvement. I am now able to walk without assistive device for over 100 kaki, but my legs and hips are completely exhausted by the effort and are in moderate pain by the end. But I am improving, slowly but surely, I continue to strengthen and improve.

I still cannot stand for more than 20 - 30 saat, nor sit for more than an hour without problems. This limits my ability to travel and is sorely missed (no pun intended.) I keep pushing to improve. If I don’t, I won’t know how much I can improve. So I work full time, with 2 hours round trip commute time. And I walk whenever I can, to the point of not being able to any more. By the time I get home I am exhausted. I still have not had to have surgery on the torn tendon in my right foot.

Despite that, God has allowed me to lead small groups and classes at church. I am truly blessed. None of us who are afflicted with CES want to stay as we are. We learn to deal with the injury and we fight to overcome as much of its affects as possible. It is easy to look around, seeing people who do not appreciate the simple act of being able to walk. Or run. Or stand for a few minutes. Or travel 6 hours to visit with old friends or many other things. Looking at these will surely lead to defeat, depression, and a downward spiral. Look at what we can accomplish instead! Life is different, not over. It isn’t fair, but then we’ve known that for a long time. I choose to let my disability strengthen me, rather than define me. I challenge you to choose your goal and work for it!


A pancuran Real manakala Hidup dengan Cauda Equina Sindrom

Cauda Equina Syndrome Finally Singing in the ShowerI've reached another milestone! Minggu ini saya dapat mengambil mandi penuh sambil berdiri!

That doesn't sound like a big deal to some, tetapi bagi kita yang berurusan dengan Cauda Equina Sindrom menawarkan diri untuk masa yang lama bukan satu pilihan. Salah satu perkara yang CES mengambil dari anda adalah kekuatan kaki. Even if feeling returns, kekuatan tidak boleh. So to stand in the shower for the few minutes it takes to shower, dan menambah melakukan senaman fizikal mandi, adalah satu kejayaan besar bagi saya!

One letdown though is that it did take so much strength that I can't do it every day, or even most days... yet. But the future is before us and we shall see what it brings, tetapi untuk sekarang saya tidak boleh parit kerusi mandi. I am currently passing Month 13 dengan CES, so I've really got to get busy on my Month 12 dan Bulan 13 laporan! Hope to have them up this weekend.

Cauda sindrom kuda – Bantuan yang tidak dijangka

I really didn't want to believe it...

Tetapi hari ini ia adalah untuk tertentu.

Minggu lepas, Saya telah meningkat masalah dengan baki saya. Now that really helps when I've also got a torn peroneal tendon pada pergelangan kaki kanan! Bagaimanapun, Petang Khamis saya Cauda sindrom kuda upped ante - I tidak perlu lagi meningkat sakit di kanan kaki / buku lali saya (sakit saraf, kekejangan otot, sakit khayalan - semua itu).

ps21v14Jadi bayangkan saya terkejut apabila lewat pada hari Sabtu, sebelum tidur, baki kembali bersama-sama dengan sangat berkurangan sakit!! Saya pergi ke katil memikirkan ia menjadi suatu penipuan. I didn't mention it to my wife because I thought it was just one of those transitory things we get when we suffer with CES.

Nah pagi Ahad, rasa sakit itu masih rendah. Kami pergi ke gereja dan pulang. I waited for the pain to increase... Selepas pulang dari gereja petang Ahad saya amat berharap perubahan kekal telah berlaku, tetapi masih saya menunggu.

Pada bangun pagi ini, kaki saya merasa seperti saya boleh berjalan pada mereka lagi jika tidak kerana tendon. Of course my legs wouldn't let me run anyway, tetapi ia kini telah menjadi lebih 36 jam - cukup lama untuk mengisytiharkan bahawa sakit kaki saya telah berubah secara dramatik menjadi lebih baik. Semua ini hanya selepas 1 tanda tahun. Malah, seperti yang saya pos ini, esok menandakan 1 tahun ulang tahun pembedahan penyahmampatan saya.


I've also regain some feeling in the back (hamstring) kawasan kaki kiri saya - that's new feeling too! Jadi kemajuan terus. Tuhan mempunyai rasa indah masa - hanya apabila anda fikir anda memerlukan dorongan dalam satu kawasan, Beliau memberikan anda galakan dalam satu lagi. Dan galakan yang sampai dan membentang sendiri terus ke dalam kawasan yang anda memerlukannya untuk pergi. Supaya adalah rahmat berganda! Terima kasih, Tuhan!

Continuing the walk...




CES | Bulan 11 dengan Cauda Equina Sindrom

Bulan 11 mempunyai diterbangkan oleh (sebagai mempunyai Bulan 12 setakat ini, dengan itu jawatan ini lewat).


Bulan 10 ended with some bad things happening in my personal life. These continued through most of Month 11 as well. I was dealing with the feelings caused by my keluarga member and also a friend. Of the two, yang pecah persahabatan hurt far more. The relationship with my family member had been on a long slow descent with an abrupt, tetapi pendek, cliff at the end. The broken friendship is something that I didn’t see coming… a total surprise and shock. We’ve all been there before, tetapi ia telah begitu lama sejak seseorang yang saya memutuskan bahawa dekat di hati saya telah melakukan perkara seperti ini.


.unknowingSaya tidak mahu persahabatan yang pecah, but it remains that way to this day. For almost a month, I didn’t know how I would feel should my friend ask for forgiveness. Eventually, the hurt receded. This allowed me to align my feelings with my caring for this person. I am now at the point where I can forgive my friend should they ask for it. I can also continue the friendship; Walau bagaimanapun ia tidak akan sehampir sebelum ... Saya tidak pada satu titik dalam hidup saya di mana saya sanggup mempercayai cukup pendusta membenarkan mereka masuk ke bulatan saya kawan rapat. Perhaps I never will be. The really sad part is that I don't think this person has the first clue that they've done anything to hurt me.




Krismas came and went during Month 11. We had a nice, quiet time - tetapi older saya mendapat, the more I miss having a family that loves one another. We don’t have children and that puts us in a lonely place too. I come from a very dysfunctional family. Perhaps that is why I have such revulsion for liars. My family’s holiday gatherings (Kesyukuran & Krismas) sentiasa menunjukkan besar di mana semua orang memakai topeng dan tinggal di luar yang dusta itu kita semua telah biasa, caring family. The rest of the year told a different, sad story. I survived, tetapi tidak tanpa cedera, by getting out. 2014 menandakan saya 21st tahun hidup beratus-ratus (kadang-kadang ribuan) of miles from family. If you rule out the “visits” when they were just bringing my Mom to see me, atau menjemputnya, Saya boleh mengira di jari satu tangan berapa kali keluarga saya telah melawat saya di mereka 21 years. I, bagaimanapun, telah melawat mereka sekurang-kurangnya sedozen kali.

Aktif untuk CES saya ...

Ketika aku berjalan seperti Frankenstein dan tidak dapat merasa pergelangan kaki saya, it seems I had such a poor gait that I tore a tendon in my right ankle. Now that I have some feeling there, Saya tahu sesuatu yang lain daripada sakit saraf Cauda sindrom kuda was going on. The Doc said only surgery will fix it, but for now I’m only wearing an ankle brace. Had I noticed this earlier last year I would have had the surgery, tetapi ia adalah tahun baru, with a new insurance deductible. And of course I’m on a high deductible plan (bukan dengan pilihan - ia adalah tawaran majikan saya).

I have regained feeling in a lot of areas. The results of the nerve conductivity tests showed most of the L4/L5 damage has healed. This was the level at which the disk blew out, so I happy with that finding. However the points below L4/L5 still show significant injury and the jury is still out as to what will happen with those areas. I do have more “kejutan elektrik"Menaip perasaan, mostly in my right foot. The backs of my thighs and lower buttocks are still numb as is most of my genital area. B&B masih satu isu yang memerlukan banyak pengurusan (itulah Pundi Kencing & Usus, tidak Bed & Sarapan).

Saya telah digalakkan, sebagai Bulan 11 ditutup, oleh kumpulan kecil Belajar Alkitab we’re doing in our home. Between that and studying for my CMA peperiksaan pada bulan Februari, I haven’t had much time for other things or maintaining relationships. I’ll be so glad once this exam is taken. I’ve had to give up some things – things I love doing - on the schedule in order to concentrate on these. After the exam, Saya mempunyai beberapa projek lain dalam senarai bersedia saya, jadi saya akan terus tetap sibuk.

Adakah Sindrom Cauda Equina saya mempengaruhi semua ini? Definitely! Does it help shape my life? Absolutely! Is it defining me? In some small way… it is a part of me, just as my arms or legs are. Ya, Saya mempunyai hari buruk, kedua-dua fizikal dan emosi - mudah-mudahan tidak kedua-duanya pada masa yang sama! Through it all I rely on God’s love to see me through. In His love He knew that my back would be injured and He used that event to prod me to grow closer to Him. He has sustained me, dipupuk saya, and lifted me up. I am a better person, at a better place in life because of God taking the lemons of Cauda Equina Syndrome and helping me make lemonade out of them. Where that will lead I do not know, tetapi apa yang pengembaraan saya di!