Ako have changed the title of my blog. Why? Not out of boredom or just liking change, much has happened since my last post. I'll soon post about it, but for now we can say that the Lord has changed my view of what has happened to me... and His immediate purposes behind it.
My faith has seen me through this "Battle" with Cauda kabayo sindrom (CES) thus far, but I had no idea where my faith journey was heading. Yes, I wondered why this had happened, what God wanted me to learn and how I should view it. We all know that bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. We always want to know why and often the answer we get is that we may never know why in this lifetime so we just have to live with it. I've heard a lot over the years about people with terrible injuries and diseases "labanan" o "battling" mga bagay na kung saan ay naghahanap upang alinman sanhi ng kapahamakan o tumagal ng kanilang buhay. Mga Kaibigan at kamag-anak ay na-baliw sa pamamagitan ng, at ang ilan ay nawala sa, pinsala o sakit. Ngayon ito ay ang aking pagliko.
What I came to realize is that I had stopped growing spiritually and I was barely being effective in God's Kingdom. Nais kaya marami pang iba Diyos mula sa akin ngunit ako ay succumbed sa "Ang gawaing walang bunga" at nakatuon ang aking sarili sa aking trabaho. Don't get me wrong, trabaho ay mahalaga, ngunit kaya marami pang iba ay pinagdudusahan. Aking relasyon sa aking asawa, ang aking oras at paglilingkod sa Diyos at ang kagalakan ay nawala mula sa aking buhay. Sa pamamagitan ng oras na ito ng isang nabagong buhay, kung saan ang araw-araw na gawain ng pagkuha ng up at pagpunta sa gumana ay isang draining pisikal na hamon para sa akin, I've seen myself as battling CES as though my faith, tigas ng loob at pagpapasiya ay sinusubok. Habang sila ay sinusubok, that wasn't all. Aking focus ay hindi naging sa pagbawi ngayon higit pa kaysa sa mga doktor at Physical Therapist kailanman naisip ng dati ko, karagdagang kaysa sa pananaliksik medikal na sinabi ng dati ko. Ako ay pagpunta sa manalo ang aking "Battle". I didn't, and don't, makatagal ang ideya ng isang kumpletong pagbawi ngunit ang aking layunin ay upang magawang maglakad muli nang walang tulong - isang matayog na layunin para sa isang tao na may CES.
Iyon ay ang aking mga saloobin na kailangan ng pagbabago. Nakita ko na ito bilang isang hamon kung saan ang aking pananampalataya ay makita sa akin sa pamamagitan at darating out ang iba pang mga bahagi ng ito Gusto ko ibigay ang credit sa Diyos. Gusto ko maging isang tapat na kawal sa Kanyang serbisyo. Walang mali sa na, but... Nais ako Diyos. Ang lahat ng akin. He has wanted all of me for a long time. I thought I had given myself to Him fully many years ago. He has used me in so many ways everywhere I've lived. But as I said, I had slowly slipped back in to taking His blessings and running with it for my own purposes without even considering His. My wife tried to help me see it, but I was too focused on my goal - which had been so out of reach and now, because of God's blessing, was within my grasp. My attitude had slowly changed and was no longer good. God's smackdown on me physically also affected me emotionally, mentally and spiritually as well. Eventually, everything was stripped away but the spiritual. I found that I had taken myself back from God and He was calling me to give myself completely to Him. Oras na ito lamang, Nauunawaan ko doon ay mas malalim na sa pangako kaysa kailanman ko naisip posible bago.
Sa Ohio derecho bagyo ng Hunyo 29, 2012, nawala kami ng isang lumang Abo tree na noon ay 85 talampakan ang haba. Ibinigay sa amin dalawang lalaking isang talagang magandang quote sa pagputol up ang tree, pag-aalis ng hindi makasagot, at hila ang lahat ng ito ang layo. Naisip nila na maaari nilang gawin ito sa 2 araw, 6 oras sa isang araw . Hindi makasagot ay hindi mapaniniwalaan o kapani-paniwala matigas ang kalooban. Sa sandaling sinimulan nila dito, nakita nila ito ay makapal Roots nauubusan sa lahat ng mga direksyon para sa maraming, maraming paa. Iyon ay masyadong makapal para sa kanilang mga saws. Tinadtad mga ito sa ito na may axes at nagtrabaho 3 araw mula umaga hanggang dark. Kahit na ang mga ito ay nagkaroon ng isa pang tao dumating sa tulong. At pa rin ang nanatiling hindi makasagot. Sa wakas rent nila ang isang hindi makasagot gilingan at ginawa ang kanilang pinakamahusay na. Hindi makasagot na matalo ang mga ito di-wastong para sa araw. Sa katapusan, they accomplished what we needed leaving a small mound where the tree had been, gayunman, there are still roots under that mound. And they had spent over 40 hours on the project. Their quote earned them less than $6 per hour.
That's how it is when I first gave myself "fully" to God. I saw what looked like full commitment and made that commitment. Over time, there was more and more revealed but I had my goals and dreams too and there was no time, no room, for truly giving myself to God as fully as He wanted. In time, I took back what I had given Him. Suddenly, this year, God changed all of that. Stricken with an injury that would change the rest of my life, taking away many of the things I wanted to do and accomplish, I now had time for Him. I've learned that He wants all of me, and I've made that commitment to Him. Now, whatever recovery I have is fine with me. Of course being who I am, I will still be pushing for the best results possible. As with many whom God used in the past, He has place His mark of ownership on me - my CES. It is a reminder of whose I am, whose strength I depend on, and who has complete control of my life. We are not to give God a little, or even a large, part in our lives. He wants our whole life to be a part of His. He wants to live out His life through us. That's what the Bible means when Paul wrote in the 8th Chapter of Romans that we who believe are being shaped and molded by God to be just like Jesus. Not just our character, but character drives motivation, and out of motivation comes actions. Diyos ay gumagamit ng mga kaganapan sa ating buhay upang ibahin ang anyo sa amin (Roma 12), at transforms niya sa amin sa mga tao na sa tingin, kumilos, magsalita, at pag-ibig tulad lamang ni Hesus. Why? So He can reach people who don't know, or those who don't care about His love.
No wonder so many in America today don't want anything to do with Christianity or church - tingnan natin kung paano mabuhay namin Kristiyano! That isn't God's plan. Oras para sa akin upang makakuha ng plano. At hindi na ako labanan ang CES, ngunit ito ay isang tanda ng pagmamay-ari sa akin at ng aking pangako sa Diyos. Kaya ito ay ngayon "Aking BUHAY may Cauda Equina Syndrome" at sa gayon ay ang bagong pangalan para sa aking blog.