Mjesec 11 ima leti prema (Kao što je Mjesec 12 dosada, stoga ovako kasno post).
Mjesec 10 ended with some bad things happening in my personal life. These continued through most of Month 11 as well. I was dealing with the feelings caused by my porodica member and also a friend. Of the two, je razbijena prijateljstvo hurt far more. The relationship with my family member had been on a long slow descent with an abrupt, ali kratko, cliff at the end. The broken friendship is something that I didn’t see coming… a total surprise and shock. We’ve all been there before, ali je toliko dugo od nekoga sam smatrao da blizu u mom srcu je učinio takvu stvar.
Ne želim razbijena prijateljstvo, but it remains that way to this day. For almost a month, I didn’t know how I would feel should my friend ask for forgiveness. Eventually, the hurt receded. This allowed me to align my feelings with my caring for this person. I am now at the point where I can forgive my friend should they ask for it. I can also continue the friendship; Međutim, to ne bi bilo tako blizu kao prije ... nisam u jednom trenutku u mom životu kada sam spreman da verujem lažovi dovoljno da ih omogućiti u moj krug bliskih prijatelja. Perhaps I never will be. The really sad part is that I don't think this person has the first clue that they've done anything to hurt me.
Božić came and went during Month 11. We had a nice, quiet time - ali oer Alatke dobijem, the more I miss having a family that loves one another. We don’t have children and that puts us in a lonely place too. I come from a very dysfunctional family. Perhaps that is why I have such revulsion for liars. My family’s holiday gatherings (Zahvaljivanje & Božić) su uvijek bili velika predstava u kojoj su svi staviti na masku i živjeli laž da smo svi bili normalni, caring family. The rest of the year told a different, sad story. I survived, ali ne bez posledica, by getting out. 2014 označava moju 21st godine žive stotine (ponekad hiljade) of miles from family. If you rule out the “visits” when they were just bringing my Mom to see me, ili po nju, Ne mogu računati na prste jedne ruke koliko puta moja porodica me je posjetio u tim 21 godina. I, međutim, su ih posjetili barem desetak puta.
Na mom CES ...
Dok sam hodao kao Frankenstein i mogućnosti da se osećam gležnjeva, it seems I had such a poor gait that I tore a tendon in my right ankle. Now that I have some feeling there, Znao sam da nešto drugo osim boli živac Cauda konjski sindrom was going on. The Doc said only surgery will fix it, but for now I’m only wearing an ankle brace. Had I noticed this earlier last year I would have had the surgery, ali to je nova godina, with a new insurance deductible. And of course I’m on a high deductible plan (ne po izboru - to je sve moje ponude poslodavca).
I have regained feeling in a lot of areas. The results of the nerve conductivity tests showed most of the L4/L5 damage has healed. This was the level at which the disk blew out, so I happy with that finding. However the points below L4/L5 still show significant injury and the jury is still out as to what will happen with those areas. I do have more “strujnog udara"Tip osjećanja, mostly in my right foot. The backs of my thighs and lower buttocks are still numb as is most of my genital area. B&B je još uvijek problem koji treba puno upravljanja (to je bešike & Utroba, ne Krevet & Doručak).
Sam se ohrabrio, kao Mjesec 11 zatvoreno, od strane male grupe Proučavanje Biblije we’re doing in our home. Between that and studying for my CMA ispita u veljači, I haven’t had much time for other things or maintaining relationships. I’ll be so glad once this exam is taken. I’ve had to give up some things – things I love doing - on the schedule in order to concentrate on these. After the exam, Imam nekoliko drugih projekata na mojoj listi spremni, tako da će i dalje ostati zauzet.
Da li moj Cauda equina sindrom utjecati na sve ovo? Definitely! Does it help shape my life? Absolutely! Is it defining me? In some small way… it is a part of me, just as my arms or legs are. Yes, Imam loše dane, i fizički i emocionalno - nadamo se ne i u isto vrijeme! Through it all I rely on God’s love to see me through. In His love He knew that my back would be injured and He used that event to prod me to grow closer to Him. He has sustained me, njeguje me, and lifted me up. I am a better person, at a better place in life because of God taking the lemons of Cauda Equina Syndrome and helping me make lemonade out of them. Where that will lead I do not know, ali ono što avanturu sam na!