CES | Month 11 uban sa Cauda Equina Syndrome

Month 11 adunay Daling milabay (ingon nga adunay Month 12 mao nga sa halayo, sa ingon niini nga sa ulahing bahin sa post).

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Month 10 ended with some bad things happening in my personal life. These continued through most of Month 11 as well. I was dealing with the feelings caused by my sa pamilya member and also a friend. Of the two, ang masulub-on nga panaghigalaay hurt far more. The relationship with my family member had been on a long slow descent with an abrupt, apan mubo, cliff at the end. The broken friendship is something that I didn’t see coming… a total surprise and shock. We’ve all been there before, apan kini na sa dugay nga panahon sukad sa usa ka tawo sa akong gihimo nga suod sa akong kasingkasing ang gibuhat sa maong usa ka butang.

 

.unknowingDili ko gusto nga sa panaghigalaay on, but it remains that way to this day. For almost a month, I didn’t know how I would feel should my friend ask for forgiveness. Eventually, the hurt receded. This allowed me to align my feelings with my caring for this person. I am now at the point where I can forgive my friend should they ask for it. I can also continue the friendship; Apan kini dili mahimo nga ingon sa suod nga ingon sa wala pa ... ako wala sa usa ka punto sa akong kinabuhi diin ako andam sa pagsalig sa mga bakakon igo sa pagtugot sa sila sa akong grupo sa mga suod nga mga higala. Perhaps I never will be. The really sad part is that I don't think this person has the first clue that they've done anything to hurt me.

 

 

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Pasko came and went during Month 11. We had a nice, quiet time - apan ang mga older ako, the more I miss having a family that loves one another. We don’t have children and that puts us in a lonely place too. I come from a very dysfunctional family. Perhaps that is why I have such revulsion for liars. My family’s holiday gatherings (Thanksgiving & Pasko) kanunay dagko nga shows diin sa tanan-ob sa usa ka dili matago ug nagpuyo sa usa ka bakak nga kami sa tanan nga normal, caring family. The rest of the year told a different, sad story. I survived, apan dili unscathed, by getting out. 2014 nagtimaan sa akong 21st tuig sa buhi nga mga ginatus (usahay liboan ka) of miles from family. If you rule out the “visits” when they were just bringing my Mom to see me, o pagkuha kaniya, Ako makasalig sa mga tudlo sa tiil sa usa ka kamot kon sa unsang paagi sa daghang mga higayon sa akong pamilya mibisita kanako niadtong 21 ka tuig. I, Apan, moduaw kanila sa labing menos usa ka dosena nga mga panahon.

Sa ngadto sa akong mga CES ...

Samtang ako naglakaw nga sama sa Frankenstein ug dili sa pagbati sa akong mga buolbuol, it seems I had such a poor gait that I tore a tendon in my right ankle. Now that I have some feeling there, Nasayud ko nga usa ka butang nga sa uban nga mga pa kay sa mga ugat kasakit sa Cauda equine syndrome was going on. The Doc said only surgery will fix it, but for now I’m only wearing an ankle brace. Had I noticed this earlier last year I would have had the surgery, apan kini nga usa ka bag-ong tuig, with a new insurance deductible. And of course I’m on a high deductible plan (dili pinaagi sa pagpili - kini mao ang tanan ko nga mga agalon tanyag).

I have regained feeling in a lot of areas. The results of the nerve conductivity tests showed most of the L4/L5 damage has healed. This was the level at which the disk blew out, so I happy with that finding. However the points below L4/L5 still show significant injury and the jury is still out as to what will happen with those areas. I do have more “electric shock"Type mga pagbati, mostly in my right foot. The backs of my thighs and lower buttocks are still numb as is most of my genital area. B&B mao gihapon ang usa ka isyu nga nagkinahanglan og usa ka daghan sa management (nga pantog & Tinai, dili Higdaanan & Breakfast).

Ako nag-awhag, ingon nga Month 11 sirado, pinaagi sa gamay nga grupo Pagtuon sa Bibliya we’re doing in our home. Between that and studying for my CMA exam sa Pebrero, I haven’t had much time for other things or maintaining relationships. I’ll be so glad once this exam is taken. I’ve had to give up some things – things I love doing - on the schedule in order to concentrate on these. After the exam, Ako adunay usa ka magtiayon nga sa uban nga mga proyekto sa akong andam nga listahan, mao nga ako magpadayon sa magpabilin busy.

Ba ang akong Cauda Equina Syndrome makaapekto sa tanan niining? Definitely! Does it help shape my life? Absolutely! Is it defining me? In some small way… it is a part of me, just as my arms or legs are. Yes, Ako adunay dili maayo nga mga adlaw, sa pisikal ug sa emosyonal - Unta dili sa duha sa mao nga panahon! Through it all I rely on God’s love to see me through. In His love He knew that my back would be injured and He used that event to prod me to grow closer to Him. He has sustained me, giamuma kanako, and lifted me up. I am a better person, at a better place in life because of God taking the lemons of Cauda Equina Syndrome and helping me make lemonade out of them. Where that will lead I do not know, apan unsa ang usa ka adventure ako sa!