Mis 11 Mae gan hedfan (fel y mae Mis 12 hyd yn hyn, felly y swydd hon yn hwyr).
Mis 10 a ddaeth i ben gyda rhai pethau drwg yn digwydd yn fy mywyd personol. Mae'r rhain yn parhau trwy'r rhan fwyaf o Mis 11 yn ogystal. I was dealing with the feelings caused by my teulu member and also a friend. O'r ddau, y torri cyfeillgarwch hurt far more. The relationship with my family member had been on a long slow descent with an abrupt, ond byr, cliff at the end. The broken friendship is something that I didn’t see coming… a total surprise and shock. We’ve all been there before, ond mae wedi bod mor hir ers i rhywun rwy'n dal bod yn agos yn fy nghalon wedi gwneud y fath beth.
Nid wyf am y cyfeillgarwch torri, but it remains that way to this day. For almost a month, I didn’t know how I would feel should my friend ask for forgiveness. Eventually, the hurt receded. This allowed me to align my feelings with my caring for this person. I am now at the point where I can forgive my friend should they ask for it. I can also continue the friendship; Fodd bynnag, ni fyddai'n mor agos ag o'r blaen ... Dydw i ddim ar bwynt yn fy mywyd lle yr wyf yn barod i ymddiried yn ddigon celwyddog i'w galluogi i mewn i fy cylch o ffrindiau agos. Perhaps I never will be. The really sad part is that I don't think this person has the first clue that they've done anything to hurt me.
Nadolig came and went during Month 11. We had a nice, quiet time - ond older Rwy'n cael, the more I miss having a family that loves one another. We don’t have children and that puts us in a lonely place too. I come from a very dysfunctional family. Perhaps that is why I have such revulsion for liars. My family’s holiday gatherings (Diolchgarwch & Nadolig) bob amser yn dangos fawr lle mae pawb yn rhoi ar mwgwd ac yn byw allan yn gorwedd ein bod i gyd yn normal, caring family. The rest of the year told a different, sad story. I survived, ond nid yn ddianaf, by getting out. 2014 yn nodi fy 21st blwyddyn o gannoedd byw (rywbryd miloedd) of miles from family. If you rule out the “visits” when they were just bringing my Mom to see me, neu godi ei hyd, Gallaf gyfrif ar y bysedd traed un llaw faint o weithiau fy nheulu wedi ymweld â mi yn y rhai 21 years. I, Fodd bynnag,, wedi ymweld â nhw o leiaf ddwsin o weithiau.
Ymlaen at fy CES ...
Er fy mod yn cerdded fel Frankenstein ac yn methu i deimlo fy fferau, it seems I had such a poor gait that I tore a tendon in my right ankle. Now that I have some feeling there, Roeddwn i'n gwybod rhywbeth ar wahân i'r boen nerf Cauda syndrom ceffylau was going on. The Doc said only surgery will fix it, but for now I’m only wearing an ankle brace. Had I noticed this earlier last year I would have had the surgery, ond mae'n flwyddyn newydd, with a new insurance deductible. And of course I’m on a high deductible plan (nid o ddewis - mae'n fy holl gynigion cyflogwr).
I have regained feeling in a lot of areas. The results of the nerve conductivity tests showed most of the L4/L5 damage has healed. This was the level at which the disk blew out, so I happy with that finding. However the points below L4/L5 still show significant injury and the jury is still out as to what will happen with those areas. I do have more “sioc drydanol"Deipio teimladau, mostly in my right foot. The backs of my thighs and lower buttocks are still numb as is most of my genital area. B&B yn dal i fod yn fater sy'n cymryd llawer o reoli (dyna bledren & Coluddyn, Ni Gwely & Brecwast).
Yr wyf wedi cael eu hannog, fel Mis 11 ar gau, gan y grŵp bach Astudio'r Beibl we’re doing in our home. Between that and studying for my CMA arholiad ym mis Chwefror, I haven’t had much time for other things or maintaining relationships. I’ll be so glad once this exam is taken. I’ve had to give up some things – things I love doing - on the schedule in order to concentrate on these. After the exam, Mae gen i un neu ddau o brosiectau eraill ar fy rhestr yn barod, felly byddaf yn parhau i aros yn brysur.
A yw fy Syndrom Cauda equina yn effeithio ar hyn i gyd? Definitely! Does it help shape my life? Absolutely! Is it defining me? In some small way… it is a part of me, just as my arms or legs are. Yes, Yr wyf yn cael diwrnodau gwael, yn gorfforol ac yn emosiynol - gobeithio nid y ddau ar yr un pryd! Through it all I rely on God’s love to see me through. In His love He knew that my back would be injured and He used that event to prod me to grow closer to Him. He has sustained me, meithrin i mi, and lifted me up. I am a better person, at a better place in life because of God taking the lemons of Cauda Equina Syndrome and helping me make lemonade out of them. Where that will lead I do not know, ond yr hyn antur fy mod ar!