Mí 11 Tá eitlíodh iontu ag (mar tá Mí 12 go dtí seo, dá bhrí sin an post seo go déanach).
Mí 10 ended with some bad things happening in my personal life. These continued through most of Month 11 as well. I was dealing with the feelings caused by my teaghlaigh member and also a friend. Of the two, an briste cairdeas hurt far more. The relationship with my family member had been on a long slow descent with an abrupt, ach is gearr, cliff at the end. The broken friendship is something that I didn’t see coming… a total surprise and shock. We’ve all been there before, ach bhí sé chomh fada ó dhuine ar siúl mé go bhfuil dlúth i mo chroí a leithéid de rud a dhéanamh.
Níl mé ag iarraidh an cairdeas briste, but it remains that way to this day. For almost a month, I didn’t know how I would feel should my friend ask for forgiveness. Eventually, the hurt receded. This allowed me to align my feelings with my caring for this person. I am now at the point where I can forgive my friend should they ask for it. I can also continue the friendship; áfach, nach mbeadh sé chomh gar is a bhíodh ... Níl mé ag pointe i mo shaol nuair a tá mé sásta a muinín Liars go leor chun cead a thabhairt dóibh i mo ciorcal de chairde gar. Perhaps I never will be. The really sad part is that I don't think this person has the first clue that they've done anything to hurt me.
Nollag came and went during Month 11. We had a nice, quiet time - ach older Faighim, the more I miss having a family that loves one another. We don’t have children and that puts us in a lonely place too. I come from a very dysfunctional family. Perhaps that is why I have such revulsion for liars. My family’s holiday gatherings (Thanksgiving & Nollag) Bhí i gcónaí seónna mór i gcás gach duine a chur ar masc agus bhí cónaí amach an bhréag go raibh muid ar fad gnáth, caring family. The rest of the year told a different, sad story. I survived, ach ní gan mhá gáinne, by getting out. 2014 Léiríonn mo 21ú bhliain ina gcónaí céadta (éigin mílte) of miles from family. If you rule out the “visits” when they were just bringing my Mom to see me, nó pioc suas í, Is féidir liom brath ar an toes ar lámh amháin cé mhéad uair mo theaghlach cuairt ar dom sna 21 years. I, áfach,, cuairt orthu ar a laghad dosaen uair.
Ar mo CES ...
Cé go raibh mé ag siúl ar nós Frankenstein agus in ann a bhraitheann mo rúitíní, it seems I had such a poor gait that I tore a tendon in my right ankle. Now that I have some feeling there, Bhí a fhios agam rud éigin eile seachas an pian nerve de Siondróm eachaí cauda was going on. The Doc said only surgery will fix it, but for now I’m only wearing an ankle brace. Had I noticed this earlier last year I would have had the surgery, ach tá sé in aghaidh na bliana nua, with a new insurance deductible. And of course I’m on a high deductible plan (ní ag rogha - tá sé gach mo tairiscintí fostóir).
I have regained feeling in a lot of areas. The results of the nerve conductivity tests showed most of the L4/L5 damage has healed. This was the level at which the disk blew out, so I happy with that finding. However the points below L4/L5 still show significant injury and the jury is still out as to what will happen with those areas. I do have more “turraing leictreach"Mothúcháin cineál, mostly in my right foot. The backs of my thighs and lower buttocks are still numb as is most of my genital area. B&B fós ceist a thógann a lán de bhainistíocht (go Lamhnán & Bputóg, Ní Leaba & Bricfeasta).
Bhí mé ag spreagadh, mar Mhí 11 dúnta, ag an ngrúpa beag Bíobla staidéar we’re doing in our home. Between that and studying for my CMA scrúdú i mí Feabhra, I haven’t had much time for other things or maintaining relationships. I’ll be so glad once this exam is taken. I’ve had to give up some things – things I love doing - on the schedule in order to concentrate on these. After the exam, Tá mé cúpla tionscadal eile ar mo liosta réidh, mar sin beidh mé ar aghaidh ag fanacht gnóthach.
An bhfuil mo Siondróm cauda equina difear seo ar fad? Definitely! Does it help shape my life? Absolutely! Is it defining me? In some small way… it is a part of me, just as my arms or legs are. Yes, Tá mé droch-laethanta, araon fisiciúil agus go mothúchánach - tá súil againn nach bhfuil an dá ag an am céanna! Through it all I rely on God’s love to see me through. In His love He knew that my back would be injured and He used that event to prod me to grow closer to Him. He has sustained me, chothú dom, and lifted me up. I am a better person, at a better place in life because of God taking the lemons of Cauda Equina Syndrome and helping me make lemonade out of them. Where that will lead I do not know, ach cad eachtra Tá mé ar!