Lub hli 11 muaj flown los ntawm (raws li muaj rau lub Hlis 12 kom deb li deb, li no lig post).
Lub hli 10 ended with some bad things happening in my personal life. These continued through most of Month 11 as well. I was dealing with the feelings caused by my tsev neeg member and also a friend. Of the two, lub tawg phooj ywg hurt far more. The relationship with my family member had been on a long slow descent with an abrupt, tab sis luv luv, cliff at the end. The broken friendship is something that I didn’t see coming… a total surprise and shock. We’ve all been there before, tab sis nws yeej ntev txij li thaum ib tug neeg hais tias kuv tuav ze nyob rau hauv kuv lub siab tau ua xws li ib tug tshaj plaws.
Kuv tsis xav tau tus phooj ywg tawg, but it remains that way to this day. For almost a month, I didn’t know how I would feel should my friend ask for forgiveness. Eventually, the hurt receded. This allowed me to align my feelings with my caring for this person. I am now at the point where I can forgive my friend should they ask for it. I can also continue the friendship; txawm li cas los nws yuav tsis nyob ze li ua ntej ... Kuv tsis nyob rau ntawm ib tug taw tes nyob rau hauv kuv lub neej qhov twg kuv txaus siab cia siab rau liars txaus rau lawv mus rau hauv kuv lub voj voog ntawm nyob ze cov phooj ywg. Perhaps I never will be. The really sad part is that I don't think this person has the first clue that they've done anything to hurt me.
Christmas came and went during Month 11. We had a nice, quiet time - tab sis lub older kuv tau, the more I miss having a family that loves one another. We don’t have children and that puts us in a lonely place too. I come from a very dysfunctional family. Perhaps that is why I have such revulsion for liars. My family’s holiday gatherings (Thanksgiving & Christmas) twb yeej ib txwm loj nyob qhov twg qhia txhua leej txhua tus muab tso rau ib daim npog qhov ncauj thiab nyob tawm ib qhov dag hais tias peb twb tag nrho ib txwm, caring family. The rest of the year told a different, sad story. I survived, tiam sis tsis unscathed, by getting out. 2014 qhab nia kuv 21st xyoo ntawm nyob pua pua (caij nyoog txhiab) of miles from family. If you rule out the “visits” when they were just bringing my Mom to see me, los yog tsaws nws, Kuv yuav suav rau lub toes ntawm ib txhais tes li cas ntau zaus kuv tsev neeg tau mus xyuas kuv nyob rau hauv cov 21 xyoo. I, li cas los xij, tau mus xyuas lawv tsawg kawg yog ib tug kaum os lub sij hawm.
Nyob rau kuv ces ...
Thaum kuv tseem taug kev zoo li Frankenstein thiab tsis muaj peev xwm xav tias kuv ankles, it seems I had such a poor gait that I tore a tendon in my right ankle. Now that I have some feeling there, Kuv paub ib yam dab tsi lwm yam tshaj li lub paj mob ntawm Cauda equine syndrome was going on. The Doc said only surgery will fix it, but for now I’m only wearing an ankle brace. Had I noticed this earlier last year I would have had the surgery, tab sis nws yog ib tug tshiab xyoo, with a new insurance deductible. And of course I’m on a high deductible plan (tsis los ntawm kev xaiv - nws yog tag nrho kuv cov chaw ua hauj lwm muaj).
I have regained feeling in a lot of areas. The results of the nerve conductivity tests showed most of the L4/L5 damage has healed. This was the level at which the disk blew out, so I happy with that finding. However the points below L4/L5 still show significant injury and the jury is still out as to what will happen with those areas. I do have more “hluav taws xob poob siab"Hom kev xav, mostly in my right foot. The backs of my thighs and lower buttocks are still numb as is most of my genital area. B&B yog ib qhov teeb meem tseem hais tias yuav siv sij hawm ib tug ntau ntawm kev tswj (hais tias zis & Quav, tsis Txaj & Pluas tshais).
Kuv tau txhawb kom, raws li lub Hlis 11 kaw, los ntawm pawg me me Kawm Vajlugkub we’re doing in our home. Between that and studying for my CMA xeem nyob rau hauv Lub ob hlis ntuj, I haven’t had much time for other things or maintaining relationships. I’ll be so glad once this exam is taken. I’ve had to give up some things – things I love doing - on the schedule in order to concentrate on these. After the exam, Kuv muaj ib tug ob ntawm lwm yam dej num rau kuv npaj txhij daim ntawv teev, yog li ntawd kuv tseem yuav nyob tibneeg hu tauj coob.
Kuv Cauda Equina Syndrome cuam tshuam tag nrho cov ntawm no? Definitely! Does it help shape my life? Absolutely! Is it defining me? In some small way… it is a part of me, just as my arms or legs are. Yes, Kuv muaj phem hnub, ob qho tib si cev nqaij daim tawv thiab raug kev puas siab - hopefully tsis ob qho tib si nyob rau tib lub sij hawm! Through it all I rely on God’s love to see me through. In His love He knew that my back would be injured and He used that event to prod me to grow closer to Him. He has sustained me, nurtured kuv, and lifted me up. I am a better person, at a better place in life because of God taking the lemons of Cauda Equina Syndrome and helping me make lemonade out of them. Where that will lead I do not know, tab sis li cas ib tug taug txuj kev nyuaj kuv nyob!