Mjesec 11 ima viju (što ima Mjesec 12 do sada, dakle ovako kasno poslije).
Mjesec 10 završila s nekim lošim stvarima koje se događaju u mom osobnom životu. To nastavila se tijekom mjeseca 11 kao. I was dealing with the feelings caused by my obitelj member and also a friend. Od dva, razbijen prijateljstvo hurt far more. The relationship with my family member had been on a long slow descent with an abrupt, ali kratko, cliff at the end. The broken friendship is something that I didn’t see coming… a total surprise and shock. We’ve all been there before, ali to je bilo tako davno netko sam smatrao da je blizu u mom srcu je učinio takvu stvar.
Ne želim prijateljstvo razbijena, but it remains that way to this day. For almost a month, I didn’t know how I would feel should my friend ask for forgiveness. Naposljetku, the hurt receded. This allowed me to align my feelings with my caring for this person. I am now at the point where I can forgive my friend should they ask for it. I can also continue the friendship; No to ne bi bilo kao bliski kao prije ... nisam u trenutku u mom životu gdje sam spreman vjerovati lažljivci dovoljno da ih dopustiti prodor u mom krugu bliskih prijatelja. Perhaps I never will be. The really sad part is that I don't think this person has the first clue that they've done anything to hurt me.
Božić came and went during Month 11. We had a nice, quiet time - ali older dobijem, the more I miss having a family that loves one another. We don’t have children and that puts us in a lonely place too. I come from a very dysfunctional family. Perhaps that is why I have such revulsion for liars. My family’s holiday gatherings (Zahvaljivanje & Božić) bili su uvijek velike predstave u kojoj je svatko stavi masku i živjeti laž da smo svi bili normalni, caring family. The rest of the year told a different, sad story. I survived, ali ne neozlijeđen, by getting out. 2014 obilježava mom 21st godine živi stotine (Negdje tisuće) of miles from family. If you rule out the “visits” when they were just bringing my Mom to see me, ili nju, Ja mogu računati na prste jedne ruke koliko puta mi je moja obitelj posjetila u onima 21 godina. Ja, međutim, su ih posjetili barem desetak puta.
Na mojim HZZ ...
Dok sam hodao poput Frankenstein i ne može osjetiti moje gležnjeve, it seems I had such a poor gait that I tore a tendon in my right ankle. Now that I have some feeling there, Znao sam da nešto drugo osim boli živac Cauda konjski sindrom was going on. The Doc said only surgery will fix it, but for now I’m only wearing an ankle brace. Had I noticed this earlier last year I would have had the surgery, ali to je nova godina, with a new insurance deductible. And of course I’m on a high deductible plan (ne po izboru - to je sve moje poslodavac nudi).
I have regained feeling in a lot of areas. The results of the nerve conductivity tests showed most of the L4/L5 damage has healed. This was the level at which the disk blew out, so I happy with that finding. However the points below L4/L5 still show significant injury and the jury is still out as to what will happen with those areas. I do have more “strujni udar"Upisati osjećaje, mostly in my right foot. The backs of my thighs and lower buttocks are still numb as is most of my genital area. B&B je još uvijek problem koji traje puno upravljanja (to je mjehura & Utroba, ne Krevet & Doručak).
Ja sam bio ohrabreni, kao Mjesec 11 zatvoreno, od strane male grupe Proučavanje Biblije we’re doing in our home. Between that and studying for my CMA ispita u veljači, I haven’t had much time for other things or maintaining relationships. I’ll be so glad once this exam is taken. I’ve had to give up some things – things I love doing - on the schedule in order to concentrate on these. After the exam, Imam par drugih projekata na mom popisu spreman, tako da ću i dalje ostati zauzeti.
Da li mi je sindrom Cauda equina utjecati na sve ovo? Definitely! Does it help shape my life? Absolutely! Is it defining me? In some small way… it is a part of me, just as my arms or legs are. Da, Imam loše dane, i fizički i emocionalno - nadamo se ne i oboje u isto vrijeme! Through it all I rely on God’s love to see me through. In His love He knew that my back would be injured and He used that event to prod me to grow closer to Him. He has sustained me, me njeguje, and lifted me up. I am a better person, at a better place in life because of God taking the lemons of Cauda Equina Syndrome and helping me make lemonade out of them. Where that will lead I do not know, ali ono avantura ja sam na!