Mánuður 11 hefur flogið með (sem hefur Mánuður 12 svo langt, Þannig þetta seint staða).
Mánuður 10 ended with some bad things happening in my personal life. These continued through most of Month 11 as well. I was dealing with the feelings caused by my fjölskylda member and also a friend. Of the two, að brjóta vinátta hurt far more. The relationship with my family member had been on a long slow descent with an abrupt, en stutt, cliff at the end. The broken friendship is something that I didn’t see coming… a total surprise and shock. We’ve all been there before, en það hefur verið svo langt síðan einhver sem ég hélt að nærri í hjarta mínu hefur gert slíkt.
Ég vil ekki að vinátta brotinn, but it remains that way to this day. For almost a month, I didn’t know how I would feel should my friend ask for forgiveness. Eventually, the hurt receded. This allowed me to align my feelings with my caring for this person. I am now at the point where I can forgive my friend should they ask for it. I can also continue the friendship; þó það væri ekki eins nálægt og áður ... ég er ekki á stað í lífi mínu þar sem ég er tilbúin að treysta lygarar nóg til að leyfa þá í hring minn náinna vina. Perhaps I never will be. The really sad part is that I don't think this person has the first clue that they've done anything to hurt me.
Christmas came and went during Month 11. We had a nice, quiet time - en oVerkfæramappa ég fá, the more I miss having a family that loves one another. We don’t have children and that puts us in a lonely place too. I come from a very dysfunctional family. Perhaps that is why I have such revulsion for liars. My family’s holiday gatherings (Þakkargjörð & Christmas) voru alltaf stór sýning þar sem allir setja á grímu og bjó út lygi að við vorum öll eðlileg, caring family. The rest of the year told a different, sad story. I survived, en ekki óskaddaður, by getting out. 2014 markar minn 21ST ár lifandi hundruð (Einhvern þúsundir) of miles from family. If you rule out the “visits” when they were just bringing my Mom to see me, eða taka hana upp, Ég get treyst á tærnar á annarri hendi hversu oft fjölskyldan mín hefur heimsótt mig í þeim 21 years. I, þó, hafa heimsótt þá að minnsta kosti tylft sinnum.
Á að CES mínum ...
Á meðan ég var að labba eins og Frankenstein og ófær um að finna ökkla mínum, it seems I had such a poor gait that I tore a tendon in my right ankle. Now that I have some feeling there, Ég vissi eitthvað annað en tauga sársauka Cauda hrossum heilkenni was going on. The Doc said only surgery will fix it, but for now I’m only wearing an ankle brace. Had I noticed this earlier last year I would have had the surgery, en það er komið nýtt ár, with a new insurance deductible. And of course I’m on a high deductible plan (ekki með val - það er allur minn tilboð vinnuveitanda).
I have regained feeling in a lot of areas. The results of the nerve conductivity tests showed most of the L4/L5 damage has healed. This was the level at which the disk blew out, so I happy with that finding. However the points below L4/L5 still show significant injury and the jury is still out as to what will happen with those areas. I do have more “raflosti"Tegund tilfinningar, mostly in my right foot. The backs of my thighs and lower buttocks are still numb as is most of my genital area. B&B er samt mál sem tekur a einhver fjöldi af stjórnun (það er Blöðru & Þarmur, ekki Rúm & Breakfast).
Ég hef verið hvött, eins mánaðar 11 lokað, með litlum hópi Biblía rannsókn we’re doing in our home. Between that and studying for my CMA próf í febrúar, I haven’t had much time for other things or maintaining relationships. I’ll be so glad once this exam is taken. I’ve had to give up some things – things I love doing - on the schedule in order to concentrate on these. After the exam, ÉG hafa a par af öðrum verkefnum á tilbúinn listanum mínum, svo ég mun halda áfram að vera upptekinn.
Er minn cauda equina Syndrome áhrif þetta allt? Definitely! Does it help shape my life? Absolutely! Is it defining me? In some small way… it is a part of me, just as my arms or legs are. Yes, Ég hef slæma daga, bæði líkamlega og tilfinningalega - vonandi ekki bæði á sama tíma! Through it all I rely on God’s love to see me through. In His love He knew that my back would be injured and He used that event to prod me to grow closer to Him. He has sustained me, nurtured mig, and lifted me up. I am a better person, at a better place in life because of God taking the lemons of Cauda Equina Syndrome and helping me make lemonade out of them. Where that will lead I do not know, en hvað er ævintýri sem ég er á!