Mēnesis 11 ir kuģo (kā jau Mēnesis 12 Līdz šim, Tādējādi šajā vēlajā post).
Mēnesis 10 ended with some bad things happening in my personal life. These continued through most of Month 11 as well. I was dealing with the feelings caused by my ģimene member and also a friend. Of the two, sadalīti draudzība hurt far more. The relationship with my family member had been on a long slow descent with an abrupt, bet īstermiņa, cliff at the end. The broken friendship is something that I didn’t see coming… a total surprise and shock. We’ve all been there before, bet tas ir tik sen kāds, es uzskatīja, ka tuvu manai sirdij ir veikusi šāda lieta.
Es nevēlos draudzību sadalīti, but it remains that way to this day. For almost a month, I didn’t know how I would feel should my friend ask for forgiveness. Eventually, the hurt receded. This allowed me to align my feelings with my caring for this person. I am now at the point where I can forgive my friend should they ask for it. I can also continue the friendship; Tomēr tas nav tik tuvu kā agrāk ... Es neesmu vietā manā dzīvē, kur es esmu gatavs uzticēties liars pietiekami, lai ļautu viņiem manā lokā tuviem draugiem. Perhaps I never will be. The really sad part is that I don't think this person has the first clue that they've done anything to hurt me.
Ziemassvētki came and went during Month 11. We had a nice, quiet time - bet older man, the more I miss having a family that loves one another. We don’t have children and that puts us in a lonely place too. I come from a very dysfunctional family. Perhaps that is why I have such revulsion for liars. My family’s holiday gatherings (Pateicība & Ziemassvētki) vienmēr bija liels parāda, kur visi likts uz masku un dzīvoja no meliem, ka mēs visi bija normāli, caring family. The rest of the year told a different, sad story. I survived, bet ne neievainots, by getting out. 2014 iezīmē manu 21st gada dzīvo simtiem (Dažkārt tūkstošiem) of miles from family. If you rule out the “visits” when they were just bringing my Mom to see me, vai pick viņas augšu, Es varu paļauties uz pirkstiem no vienas puses, cik reizes mana ģimene ir apmeklējuši mani tiem 21 gadiem. I, tomēr, apmeklēja tos vismaz duci reižu.
Uz manu CES ...
Kamēr es gāju, piemēram, Frankenstein, un nespēj sajust manas potītes, it seems I had such a poor gait that I tore a tendon in my right ankle. Now that I have some feeling there, Es zināju, ka kaut kas nav nervu sāpes Cauda zirgu sindroms was going on. The Doc said only surgery will fix it, but for now I’m only wearing an ankle brace. Had I noticed this earlier last year I would have had the surgery, bet tas ir Jaunais gads, with a new insurance deductible. And of course I’m on a high deductible plan (nevis izvēle - tā ir visas manas darba devējs piedāvā).
I have regained feeling in a lot of areas. The results of the nerve conductivity tests showed most of the L4/L5 damage has healed. This was the level at which the disk blew out, so I happy with that finding. However the points below L4/L5 still show significant injury and the jury is still out as to what will happen with those areas. I do have more “elektrošoks"Tipa jūtas, mostly in my right foot. The backs of my thighs and lower buttocks are still numb as is most of my genital area. B&B joprojām ir jautājums, kas prasa daudz vadību (tas Urīnpūšļa & Zarnu, nav Gulta & Brokastis).
Man ir jāveicina, kā mēnesis 11 slēgts, ar nelielu grupu Bībeles studiju we’re doing in our home. Between that and studying for my CMA eksāmenu februārī, I haven’t had much time for other things or maintaining relationships. I’ll be so glad once this exam is taken. I’ve had to give up some things – things I love doing - on the schedule in order to concentrate on these. After the exam, Man ir pāris citi projekti manā gatavs sarakstā, tāpēc es turpināšu palikt aizņemts.
Vai mana Cauda equina sindroms ietekmē visu šo? Definitely! Does it help shape my life? Absolutely! Is it defining me? In some small way… it is a part of me, just as my arms or legs are. Jā, Man ir sliktas dienas, fiziski un emocionāli - cerams ne abi vienlaikus! Through it all I rely on God’s love to see me through. In His love He knew that my back would be injured and He used that event to prod me to grow closer to Him. He has sustained me, kopt mani, and lifted me up. I am a better person, at a better place in life because of God taking the lemons of Cauda Equina Syndrome and helping me make lemonade out of them. Where that will lead I do not know, bet ko piedzīvojumu es esmu!