ЦЕС | Месец 11 са цауда екуина синдромом

Месец 11 има летео (као има месец 12 до сада, тако то касно порука).

.lies

Месец 10 ended with some bad things happening in my personal life. These continued through most of Month 11 as well. I was dealing with the feelings caused by my породица member and also a friend. Of the two, сломљен пријатељство hurt far more. The relationship with my family member had been on a long slow descent with an abrupt, али кратко, cliff at the end. The broken friendship is something that I didn’t see coming… a total surprise and shock. We’ve all been there before, али то је било тако давно неко сам сматрао да затвори у мом срцу је урадио такву ствар.

 

.unknowingНе желим пријатељство сломљен, but it remains that way to this day. For almost a month, I didn’t know how I would feel should my friend ask for forgiveness. Коначно, the hurt receded. This allowed me to align my feelings with my caring for this person. I am now at the point where I can forgive my friend should they ask for it. I can also continue the friendship; међутим то не би било тако близу као пре ... Нисам у тренутку у свом животу, где сам вољан да верујем лажови довољно да им се омогући у мом кругу блиских пријатеља. Perhaps I never will be. The really sad part is that I don't think this person has the first clue that they've done anything to hurt me.

 

 

.trust

Божић came and went during Month 11. We had a nice, quiet time - али Олдер добијем, the more I miss having a family that loves one another. We don’t have children and that puts us in a lonely place too. I come from a very dysfunctional family. Perhaps that is why I have such revulsion for liars. My family’s holiday gatherings (Благодарење & Божић) су увек били велики шоу где свако стави маску и живели ван лаж да смо сви нормални, caring family. The rest of the year told a different, sad story. I survived, али не неповређен, by getting out. 2014 обележава мој 21ст година живи на стотине (Сометиме хиљаде) of miles from family. If you rule out the “visits” when they were just bringing my Mom to see me, или по њу, Ја могу да рачунају на прстима једне руке колико пута моја породица ме је посетио у онима 21 године. I, међутим, су их посетили најмање десетак пута.

На мојим ЦЕС ...

Док сам ходао као Франкенштајн и не могу да осетим зглобове, it seems I had such a poor gait that I tore a tendon in my right ankle. Now that I have some feeling there, Знао сам нешто друго осим бола нерава од Цауда коњски синдром was going on. The Doc said only surgery will fix it, but for now I’m only wearing an ankle brace. Had I noticed this earlier last year I would have had the surgery, али то је нова година, with a new insurance deductible. And of course I’m on a high deductible plan (не по избору - то је све моје понуде послодавца).

I have regained feeling in a lot of areas. The results of the nerve conductivity tests showed most of the L4/L5 damage has healed. This was the level at which the disk blew out, so I happy with that finding. However the points below L4/L5 still show significant injury and the jury is still out as to what will happen with those areas. I do have more “струјног удара"Укуцајте осећања, mostly in my right foot. The backs of my thighs and lower buttocks are still numb as is most of my genital area. B&Б је и даље питање које захтева много менаџмента (то је бешике & Црево, не Кревет & Доручак).

Ја сам био охрабрен, као Монтх 11 затворено, од стране мале групе Библија студија we’re doing in our home. Between that and studying for my ЦМА испит у фебруару, I haven’t had much time for other things or maintaining relationships. I’ll be so glad once this exam is taken. I’ve had to give up some things – things I love doing - on the schedule in order to concentrate on these. After the exam, Имам неколико других пројеката на мојој листи спреман, тако да ћу наставити да остане заузет.

Да ли мој синдром цауда екуина утиче на све ово? Definitely! Does it help shape my life? Absolutely! Is it defining me? In some small way… it is a part of me, just as my arms or legs are. Yes, Имам лоше дане, и физички и емотивно - надам се не и у исто време! Through it all I rely on God’s love to see me through. In His love He knew that my back would be injured and He used that event to prod me to grow closer to Him. He has sustained me, хранили ме, and lifted me up. I am a better person, at a better place in life because of God taking the lemons of Cauda Equina Syndrome and helping me make lemonade out of them. Where that will lead I do not know, али оно што сам ја на авантура!